“Hows bout if ya dun wanna take me home, we juz do it here!” Jenny said to Rigabold the pernicketness as he stood at the statue of Bob The Railway Dog in the town of Peterborough.

He’d been talking to the drunk girl for a good fifteen minutes, despite her inebriated state she was polite, she was harmless and she was entertaining so Rigabold felt no need to push her away. However her invite to “do it” where they stood, like the previous offer of taking her home, was not something he could partake in even if he wanted too.

As a Tumcuddulan the outdoor area with its large open space would be much better suited to Rigabold partaking in the act of “doing it” and on Tumcuddula it would be considered the perfect place for such a thing, but he knew Earth was different. He also knew Earth girls were different and what he had to offer such a woman was not something even a drunk woman wouldn’t remember well enough to talk about the following day.

“I’m sorry Miss, but I’m gay remember.” Rigabold said dropping his previous excuse for letting the woman down.

“Yesh and I like dickies too. Let me have yoursh and maybe I can convert ya.” Jenny said as she stepped closer and put her hand between his legs obviously hoping to feel an appendage similar to that most males on Earth had.

Rigabold wasn’t sure what an Earth girl could convert him into that he himself couldn’t but he also wasn’t willing to find out. He stepped back from Jenny’s hand and replied. “I’m sorry Jenny. I really am.” He hoped being polite and speaking gently would convince Jenny not to make a scene in the street.

“Okay. Okay. Your losh.” Jenny said.

Strangely enough she didn’t even sound disheartened by the rejection even if it was the second time Rigabold had rejected her in as many minutes. Even though Peterborough was a quiet country town Rigabold was starting to wonder what Jenny’s plans were and if she was going to be able to get herself home. He didn’t want to take her home in case she took it as more than it was but at the same time his Tumcuddulan nature didn’t want to see her come to any harm as she did walk home.

“I need to get back on the road. Are you going to be okay to get home Jenny?” Rigabold asked politely.

“I’ll be okay mishta. I’ll find my way home. Done it heapsha times. Could find me way anywhere. Beshides I live juss down there.” Jenny pointed in the direction she had come from when she came up to Rigabold.

Rigabold assumed Jenny had been on her way home from the pub or other such place but given the direction she was pointing it appeared she might even have come out deliberately to meet Rigabold. Still it mattered little to him, he wanted to get back on the road and as long as Jenny was safe there was little else he needed to concern himself with.

“Well as long as you can get home safely I’d really like to be on my way. It was a pleasure meeting you.” Rigabold said.

“The pleashare was all mine gorgjush. Yous have been one hunky waste of time. Ma boyfriend mighta left me tonight and you might be gay but I’ma gunna be dreamin’ of you and your hot body tonight baby!” Jenny’s sentences were so hit and miss Rigabold did wonder at times if the drunk act was put on but given the smell coming from her breath he knew better. “Whattya shay ya name was shexy. I’ve for gotten.”

“My name is Joseph King.” Rigabold said proudly wondering if the name a second time would tweak any memory cells.

“Thas right, you is Jeezuz. Jeezuz come down from tha shky to shave me!”

“No Ma’am, just Joseph and I must be going. Thank you for the entertaining chat.” Rigabold then turned and headed back to his parked vehicle.

“Okay. Bye, bye Jeezuz. It was good talkin’ to you. Shay Hello to God for me.”

It was only fifteen steps between where Rigabold stood at the statue of Bob The Railway Dog and his ute but for each and every step he could hear Jenny calling out, still saying goodbye to Jesus, into the empty street. Before climbing into the cabin he looked back in the direction Jenny was walking. She was still carrying her stilettos in her right hand and walking in her fishnet stocking clad feet. She was staggering side to side walking the walk of the drunk, two steps forwards, one step sideways, two steps with only the left foot, one step backwards, repeat. It was one of those scenes that was humorous but not the sort of thing to be seen laughing at. He considered watching her to make sure she was safe and got home safe but there was no other souls around so decided such an effort was not needed.

In the cabin of the Dodge Rigabold read the GPS screen. It told him that he was to continue heading straight along the road he was on until he got to the intersection of the Barrier Highway where he would turn left and head towards Broken Hill. However that was not the direction Rigabold wanted to go. He wanted to turn at the next right and take Silver Street which eventually became Cleary Road and then when it intersected with the same Barrier Highway, south of the GPS’ point, he would turn left keep heading south until he reached the town of Burra.

It was a detour that would ultimately take him south and into Victoria rather than onto Broken Hill and further into New South Wales making his trip shorter. It was something that the GPS couldn’t stop him doing but being an advanced system such as it was it’s ability to annoy him with constant warnings and alerts that he was not obeying the orders he was given was something that it could do. It was also difficult to completely turn off, he could turn the voice prompting off but the visual prompts would remain because Rigabold still needed his maps, just not the maps the GPS wanted to provide.

Rigabold prepared himself for what was to come.

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First Episode here.