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Rigabold: History Never Repeats

Even in the darkness of the night, lit only by a small sliver of moonlight and the annoying flicker of torch light from the people who had interrupted him, Rigabold could see the looks on the faces of his unknown acquaintances.

Two men and two women had joined him from the bush somewhere as he stood looking at the massive rock formation in the Western Australian mid-country called Wave Rock. He’d hoped for a bit of quiet time, hoped visiting during the night hour would offer that, but alas it was all disappointment for him on that front.

The tall man with the waviest of torches who had made the first statement about how good the rock looked during the day had obviously taken on the role of spokesperson for the small group. Rigabold suspected it had not been a voted democratic choice but rather the man’s nature and ability to talk over the top of everyone that had him in that position. Although he was taller than the rest of his group he wasn’t as tall as Rigabold and his stature along with his big bushy head of hair made him look a bit like a miniature palm tree.

The woman standing next to him, who seemed to cringe slightly every time wavy torch man spoke over the top of someone else was obviously his partner. It wasn’t only the hand holding that gave Rigabold that idea it was the obviously matched t-shirts. On his was written, “I got caught up Penny Lane.” whilst on hers was the words “Hi, I’m Penny!”

The other couple seemed a little bit more sedate, less talkative, probably because they couldn’t get a word in, both were of a similar height which was several centimetres shorter than Rigabold and both looked very city centric as many tourists to remote parts of Australia seemed to be.

Had Rigabold cared enough he’d have asked the names of his evening interlopers but he didn’t, he hoped they would just go away and leave him to himself. It was part of the reason he’d made the statement he had about the placard and history books getting the time frame of Wave Rock correct but not the way it was formed. He’d actually hoped that in saying such a statement the interlopers would ask what he meant, he would tell them and they would disappear in an attempt to get away from the whack job in the dark with the tall stories.

But it didn’t quite happen that way because Rigabold didn’t allow for the ‘fuckwit factor” something Tumcuddulans knew needed to be factored in when talking to humans. Not all humans suffered from it, in fact it only seemed to be a chosen few, generally the same people who got the loud mouth gene, but it was always worth allowing for it so as to make conversation easier when one reared it’s ugly head.

“Of course it’s a natural rock formation.” sprouted Megamouth. “Do you think some ancient caveman carved the thing with a dessert spoon while he was bored waiting for a woolly mammoth to wander by?” The statement was finished off with a loud and hearty laugh and a nudge of his arm into Penny’s side which served as a kick start for her to laugh just as hard.

Rigabold noticed the other couple were not laughing at all, he looked the second man directly in the face and said. “My condolences.”

“What?” Asked Megamouth then without giving Rigabold a chance to explain his words he continued on. “Is that what you think happened?”

Rigabold decided to be polite and address the man’s ignorance. “Well no sir, of course not. You see this area was not populated by cavemen, as you suggested. Dessert and therefore dessert spoons would not have been a concept here on earth 100 million years ago. But perhaps your biggest mistake was the suggestion that woolly mammoths were around at the time this formation was created when in fact they didn’t appear for about 600,000 years after its creation.”

Megamouth looked on in amazement, he even raised the glowing beam of his torch to just below his chin to highlight that look. “Are you serious?”

“Of course I’m serious.” Rigbaold said hearing the sarcasm in Megamouth’s voice but ignoring it.

“Well then Mr. Know-it-all please explain for us Neanderthals exactly what did happen.”

“Oh please sir, don’t sell your friends short by calling them Neanderthals.” Rigabold was sure the subtlety of his statement was missed by Megamouth so instead of explaining it he told the story of how Wave Rock was formed. “While the time frame listed in the history books is pretty close to correct, for the way Earth scientists record things anyway, it wasn’t formed by some natural occurrence.”

“Here we go, let the whack job talk.” Megamouth interrupted confirming he didn’t understand the subtlety of Rigabold’s previous joke.

Rigabold ignored him and continued. “What actually happened was that Zigaroy, one of the early voyageurs from the planet Tumcuddula,” Rigabold was careful to disassociate himself with the alien race so as to avoid any detection, “landed in this area. Back then the countries were not formed as they are today and this area wasn’t Australia it was part of a larger landmass further south.” Rigabold kept talking so as to stop Megamouth from interrupting. “Back then Tumcuddulans didn’t have the same understanding of the Earth’s atmosphere as they do now and when Zigaroy tried to stop his brakes didn’t work as well as they should have. He hit the solid rock moving at fourteen quagnackles.” Rigabold didn’t explain that a quagnackle was approximately three hundred kilometres per hour, he didn’t think his interlopers needed such in formation. “Now as I’m sure you can see what formed here is simply the result of a high speed impact and the rock being pushed up around the shape of the ship he was travelling in.”

There was a lot more to the accident than just that short description but Rigabold knew his interloping pairs would be too gobsmacked by the shortened version to require hearing the extended cut.

“What a fucking banana peel!” Megamouth said.

Previous Episode here.
First Episode here.

17 Comments

  1. That was fun. : )

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