alien, Daily Prompt, dreams, driving, events, humor, serial fiction, writing

Rigabold: A Turn For The Worst

Rigabold the pernicketness sped down the bitumen black top, well it was more of a speckled grey, white and black top because as his studies had shown him the bitumen roads like those found in most cities were not practical in areas where the ambient temperatures were so high, so a less melty mix of products were used.

With Chiko Roll in hand he was enjoying his leisurely drive along the highway, he could tell it was warm outside because the heat was such that he could see it rising from the road surface. He’d decided as he left town that he’d drive below the posted speed limit, partly because he wanted to see the scenery around him, it wasn’t often he got to do that, but mostly because he didn’t want to draw any undue attention to himself and a Dodge Ram doing three times the speed limit would do that.

During his studies of Earth, in particularly Australia, Rigabold had read many things about how barren the outback was, how lacking in anything but dirt and scrub it was but in contrast he had also read reports from travellers who claimed that even with so little out there things always changed. It was that change, that difference while apparently staying the same, that Rigabold was hoping to see as he drove casually across the country. How he was going to notice that he wasn’t quite sure.

Sucking down the last of the green moo juice, it was getting warm but it still tasted stunningly wonderful, Rigabold almost felt every bolt, washer, nut and rivet of the Dodge rattle. To his right was a truck, a large truck, a large truck with three trailers and it was passing him on the opposite side of the road, headed in the direction he had come from.

He didn’t need to see exactly how the truck was set up to know that it was a cattle truck because the stench of it as it passed told him everything he needed to know about the cargo. Even with the windows up and the air conditioner turned on the smell of moo shit was unmistakable. There was probably upwards of 100 large mooers on the truck, why the silly humans hadn’t worked out teleportation, especially of stinking livestock was beyond Rigabold.

As the truck speed on by, more than likely going faster than the speed limit, Rigabold wondered what it was going to be like when he came across one of the big road trains that Australia was famous for. But he didn’t get much chance to wonder because almost immediately something caught his eye on the right hand side of the road up ahead. It was something moving, not just anything, it was a human, and they seemed to waving at Rigabold.

He knew there was no other Tumcuddulan’s on his part of Earth so Riagabold was immediately able to discount the idea that the person ahead was waving at him to say hello. In the travel stories he’d read there had been countless stories of people being stranded in the outback and waving down complete strangers who helped them without question and saved their lives. For that reason Rigabold knew he couldn’t drive past a stranded traveller.

He slowed the Dodge and flicked on his right indicator, there was no other traffic around to see his intention but he did it anyway. The closer he got to the man waving his arms the more details were revealed of where he was about to stop. It was a pull off area on the side of the road, a largish open area with signs up that stated it was a truck parking area, the truck that had just passed Rigabold wouldn’t have fitted in there but smaller truck would. The area itself was fairly barren and on Rigabold’s right hand side as he stopped his Dodge he could see a large hole dug in the soft sand, it almost like the hole had been left there to warn other drivers not to park in the loose sand.

The only other things the was in the parking area was an old battered car, the badge on the front was a blue oval which Rigabld recognised as a Ford logo but he did not recognise the model, and three men, four if he included the one that was jogging in from the road where he had waved Riagbold down.

Rigbold put down his moo juice container and climbed out of the Dodge. He’d barely made three steps before the three men were coming up to him. He didn’t feel threatened, even the biggest of them who looked like he was the sort of guy that spends five days a week pumping iron and the other two days pumping himself would haven’t been much of a match for Rigabold, human form or not.

“G’day, the name’s…” He stopped before using Rigabold and he stopped before using the name Rick Flair like he had in Halls Creek, instead he came up with another name which he’d picked up watching Earth movies. “…Jake Elwood. Please to meet you. Is there something I can help with?”

“Yeah you can hand us all your money and the keys to that fancy ride you’re driving!”.

Previous Episode here.
First Episode here.

20 Comments

    • No, there is no deer in the outback.

      • More like wolves, I would guess.

        • Dingos dear, our wild dog’s are dingos.
          The ones with feathers are emus
          The bouncy ones are Skippy’s
          And the big ones are camels.

          • For some reason, Dingoes do not have the safe fear connotation that wolves have. They’re also not as pretty.
            You have camels in Australia? I like the Skippys. Emus are just weird.

            • Dingoes really are just wild dogs, wolves are a different kind of creature really. But dingoes are dangerous because they are feral, it’s illegal to have a pure breed as a pet in most states unless you are registered. But they are ours 🙂

              We have more wild camels in Australia than any other country in the world. They too are feral, they got left in the desert by the early explorers 150 years ago and they just breed themselves into feral status.

              Skippy’s are dangerous too, there is a reason we used the boxing kangaroo as a mascot.

              Emus are just one of the weird things we have!

              • You always make Australia sound so scary. Wilder than the Wild West.

                • It’s not really scary unless you want it to be. It’s a big area and well over 95% of people who live here wouldn’t ever see a wild camel or dingo in their natural habitat.

                  • Have you ever seen a wild dingo or camel?
                    The episode you did the Dean and the snake was terrific.

                    • Dingoes yes, camels no. Friends of mine hit some emus. I’ve hit everything from rabbits to roos to owls, and snakes are fairly common, but the deadly ones aren’t.

                      Dean and the snake? The one where she and Nick got it on? 🙂

                    • Not that kind of snake… Eeewww, that is a terrible way to refer to a man’s manlyhood! Giggle …

                    • Oh dear, then you wouldn’t want to hear the song from the 70’s about the one eyed trouser snake

  1. Ummm … no. I only listen to good music. I think this conversation has taken “a turn for the worst.”

    • Nah not for the worst. The guy who sang that song was a guy by the name of Barry Crocker a true aussie. But in the 70’s he played a character named Barry (Bazza) McKenzie. He was a true aussie legend and his mum was Dame Edna Everidge. He was the sort of character Croc Dundee (and the guy who played him) were influenced by. There is no real understanding of Aussies without knowing guys like them.

      • https://youtu.be/49MOcTv3Wgs

        So you’re telling me this is a typical Aussie?

        • In the 1960’s and 70’s yeah. It’s why the rest of the world doesn’t understand Aussie humour. The poms are a little more receptive of it, but even they struggle sometimes. It’s the same reason Hollywood stuffs up every remake of a pommie, or aussie show they have ever made. They don’t understand the humour and how it makes the people.

          Bazza Mckenzie was more than just one song, he was an average Australian ocker who went aboard to the homeland and had as much trouble fitting in with them as they did understanding him.

          Nino Culotta and “They’re a weird mob” was about an immigrant to Australia and how he struggled fitting in with the average aussie of the same time as Bazza.

          These sort of people and characters are sometimes over exaggerated but they are uniquely ours and the fact outsiders refuse to understand them or get offended by them is why they are important to our culture. We learnt to laugh at ourselves long before the rest of the word tried to laugh at us.

          • I appreciate that you are seriously trying to explain a cultural aspect of Australian’s humor to me, but I don’t think I am understanding the underlying concepts. I sincerely want to understand, because I suspect it would help you and me get along better, but I just don’t get it.

            • I’m not overly surprised. There is no real way to make a person understand it.
              For years people didn’t understand someone like Benny Hill anywhere but in the UK where he was huge.
              When our Kevin Bloody Wilson started touring the USA people didn’t understand him. Now him and his daughter Jenny Tallia sell out venues. Bazza McKenzie didn’t even try to break the US.
              But it kind of works the same for some Americans too, people like Jeff Foxworthy and the Blue Collar Comedy team were not hugely popular here because they talked about American stuff and most here didn’t understand, many didn’t want to understand. But anyone here who took the time to understand the Blue Collar team actually got rewarded with some great laughs.

              One can’t like something they can’t understand and the only way one ever understands is if it is important enough to learn.

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