While Danny drove to work feeling ambivalent and somewhat confused about their personal life Tracey was on a completely different wave length.
She’d done Danny the sweet justice of putting on a game face until he left the house. She’d wanted to talk about the sex and about her feelings and doing it so soon was, what she thought, the best time to do it. She too knew it hadn’t fixed things between them but she wanted to talk about what it did mean. She was fairly certain that it didn’t mean quite the same to Danny as it did her but it had to mean something to him, especially after such a long time and especially after it was so darn good.
The second Tracey saw Danny’s car back out of the garage and down the driveway her demeanour changed, she went from nonchalant to excited, she went from walking to having a skip in each step and she went from a straight face to one with a huge smile.
“Oh yes!” she said unable to control herself. “What a night! Thank you Danny!”
Tracey danced and skipped around the kitchen to music that wasn’t playing, even as she stood at the sink washing the dishes there was a swing to her hips that hadn’t been there for a very long time.
“Oh Danny, I hope you feel as good as I do.” Tracey thought as she dunked her hands in the soapy water. “If only sex could fix things for us, I could do that every night. Such a wonderful time. I thank you darling.”
Tracey knew her thoughts were getting well ahead of where her and Danny actually were but she couldn’t stop herself, she wanted things to work out and she wanted them to work out sooner rather than later. It was the first time they’d had sex, hell it was the first time they’d really been intimate, since before Tracey lost the baby so maybe she had some reason to be a little bit ahead of herself. Sex might have been the current catalyst for her thoughts but she knew she was ready to forgive Danny for what he’d done that drove her away, if only he was ready to forgive her for walking out.
Tracey pottered around the house for a little over an hour then only seconds after the clock ticked over 9am she had the phone in her hand and was dialling her mother’s phone number. She didn’t know if her mother was going to be home but she needed to talk to someone and she didn’t think she had the kind of relationship with her friends that allowed her to discuss what she wanted to. If she had thought about it hard enough Tracey probably would have realised that she also didn’t have that kind of relationship with her mother, not since she left Danny without any reason and resisted even her mother’s attempts to reach out and help. But with limited options available none of that seemed to matter.
“Hi Mum, it’s Tracey. How are you?” Tracey said into the phone hand piece when she heard her mother answer the call at the other end.
“Oh Hi Tracey. I’m good. How are you?”
“Really good Mum, really good.” Tracey suddenly got excited as her mind realised she would get the chance to tell someone what was on her mind.
“I saw on the news that Danny won on the weekend. They said something about penalties and poor driving.”
Tracey gave her mother a brief run down of what happened at the track and who incurred the penalties for poor driving. While her mother took an interest in Danny’s career that interest didn’t extend much past checking the results and giving Danny well wishes when she saw him. So the names and penalties really didn’t mean much and Tracey was glad when she got to the end of that part of the conversation.
“Well I’m glad Danny is ok. Guess winning the race proves how much better a racer Danny really is. Tell him I said congratulations.”
“I will Mum, I will.” Then without waiting long enough for her mother to start a different conversation, or worse say good bye Tracey changed the subject to what she wanted to talk about. “I definitely will Mum because Danny and I are getting along so much better.”
“Oh I am glad to hear that dear.”
“We are getting along so well that not only did he agree too see a counsellor with me yesterday but last night we had sex.”
“Oh Tracey, I’m happy for you but I’m pretty sure that’s too much information!”
Tracey’s Mum was being honest, despite her still having reservations about how Tracey and Danny had treated each other, and how Tracey walked out without any communication she was the sort of person who believed in marriage and believed in love. So for that reason she also believed that Tracey and Danny still had something to work towards, but she wasn’t entirely sure she needed to hear about how they got to that point.
“But Mum, it’s big news. It’s the first time we’d have sex in a long time and I think we’ve actually reached a turning point.”
“I’m happy for that Tracey but I don’t need the details.” her mother said.
For the next hour Tracey had her mother talked, well Tracey talked and her mother listened without too much interference. A few times Tracey got over excited and her mother questioned whether Danny had the same thoughts. A few times her mother asked if Tracey had actually spoken to Danny. But there was only one time when Tracey’s Mum talked about how forgiveness is such an important part of marriage because neither partner is ever completely innocent.
Tracey may not have totally agreed with her mother’s views of marriage, she still thought Danny was more at fault than she was, but she did agree that they both needed to be on the same level. Her biggest problem was that although she didn’t think sex put them on that level, she did think it was getting them close enough that talking could fall by the wayside for a little while.