As a catch up for you, my loyal readers, Matthew and I were on our way to a simple job. We were bouncing along the dirt tracks taking a short cut to the rescue and the two of us were having a little bit of quality brother and sister time. Well actually we were having a discussion about one of Matthew’s old crushes. So if you’re not into touchy feely, brother sisterly love type conversations maybe you better tune out now.

“What are you talking about?” Matthew asked.

As the sandy kilometres slowly passed by under the Beast we were passing time talking about Matthew’s crush on the lead singer of the band Baby Animals who were a driving force on the Oz Pub Rock scene back in the late 1908’s and early 1990’s. Her name was Suzie DeMarchi and she was pretty darn cute, even I could admit that, but Matthew crushed on her pretty darn badly. Posters, signed CD’s, signed t-shirts, seeing them every time they toured Perth where we were living at the time and trying to get back stage where just the normal sort of things he did. It was the dreams and the fantasising instead of doing what he was supposed to like school work or his jobs that were the real problem.

He’d made a bit of a silly comment, one that was as old as the sand dunes we were riding over, about how back in the day he wouldn’t have kicked Suze out of bed for farting. For those not quite up with the term it meant he thought she was so hot that she could get away with just about anything in his presence. In response to that I made a wise crack about him doing that on the first night we met her and the band.

“Don’t you remember the first night we met her and the band back in ‘92?”

It was just after the release of their first album and they were touring Perth. It was back in the day where bands, especially our local bands, were happy to sit back in the same pub they had just played in and drink with the fans. Suze and the boys from the band had come out after the gig but because it was a week night most of the fans had already left after the 2am finish, we on the other hand hung around like a bad smell, in more ways than one.

“Of course I remember it.” Matthew replied.

“Then I’m sure you also remember what you did ten minutes into our first drinks with them.”

“Shut up!” Matthew’s voice wasn’t grumpy as in he was about to turn red and have steam come out his ears but he wasn’t overly happy either.

Being the caring sister I was I felt his pain and realised Matthew didn’t want to discuss the topic, so I immediately stopped….yeah right!

“Oh come on Matty, it’s nearly thirty years since it happened, surely we can laugh about it by now. Sheesh I’ve been laughing about it since the day it happened!”

For those of you that haven’t caught on yet here’s what actually happened.

The roadies were clearing the stage and back loading the trucks while Suze and the three boys in the band were sitting down with us near the bar having a drink and a chat. In our small group was Matthew, myself and four of our friends, whose names don’t really matter.

Matthew wasn’t quite drooling at being so close to the object of his infatuation but he was relatively silent and a few times I’d caught him starring dreamily at Suzie, it was quite funny actually. Like I’ve said Suzie was pretty cute at the time, so cute that I’m sure she was used to both men and woman appreciating her and it wasn’t like Matthew was a stalker or posed any sort of threat. So the worst anyone who saw Matthew’s silly look would have thought was that he was pubescent teenager meeting his very first crush. The only part of that they’d have had wrong was the pubescent bit, at least I hoped so because he was nineteen and old enough to legally be drinking in the pub we were in.

Anyway we were all relaxing and chatting away when Suze turned directly to Matthew and asked him a question. From memory it was something harmless like “what was your favourite song from the night?”, or something like that but Matthew was so shocked Suze was talking directly to him that he suddenly forgot how to answer such a question.

So instead of answering the question with something like “Rush You” or “Early Warning” he simply sat there silent, fidgeted and then let out a loud squeaking fart. It was as much a shock to him as it was to the rest of us but he was the only one who didn’t laugh, instead his face turned beetroot red and he immediately turned away from Suze and looked down at the table.

Nearly thirty years on despite that one little puff of wind and him getting a kiss on the cheek from his idol Suzie when she felt sorry for him and his infatuation apparently Matthew still wasn’t seeing the funny side of it, unlike the rest of us at that table that laughed solidly for what must have been a good two minutes.

“You know what is really embarrassing is that nearly thirty years on and you can’t stop mentioning it.” Matthew said.

“Hey, if it wasn’t for what happened that night you could not now boast that you got a kiss from the object of your wet teenage dreams.”

“Shut up!” Matthew said trying to end the conversation.

Previous Outback Rescue story here.