The drive to work for Danny was a boring one, not as bad as the times where he’d zoned out and some how driven on something similar to auto pilot which got him to where he was going but left him with no memory of how he did it, but still boring. It was boring because his mind was refused to stop being so ambivalent about what was going on at home
He was fairly sure Tracey wasn’t thinking that things were magically healed because they had sex and he knew he wasn’t. But he was also fairly sure that she thought the sex was more of a stepping stone to that point than he did. The problem was that she wouldn’t talk about exactly what it meant to her.
In truth he didn’t want to talk about the sex part either, not because of the act, but because there was more to what needed to be discussed than just the sex part. Danny didn’t want to just sit down and discuss whether the sex was good, bad or indifferent, he wanted to discuss what the sex, and any other feelings between then actually meant.
He knew that if he was being completely fair he’d face Tracey with his concerns, ask her to talk about what happened, why it happened and what she thought it meant, but in his mind he thought he knew the answers to the questions. Furthermore he thought the only way Tracey would talk was if they were sitting in front of a therapist and why Danny wasn’t against seeing a therapist again he also wanted them to sort some of the problems out themselves, well at least he thought he did.
As much as Danny himself had been a stumbling block all the years of their marriage much of the time he wanted nothing more than to talk things out with Tracey but she just never seemed to want to talk things out with him when it happened. From what Danny knew she preferred to get on the telephone and talk to her mother, or one of the few friends she had.
He’d never heard much more than one side of the phone conversations as he walked through the house hearing only her whispers when he got close, but from what he had heard it always seemed like Tracey was willing to share a tainted, and often one sided, story with her mother, rather than sit down and talk about things with him. He didn’t blame her entirely, he knew he was not always the easiest person to talk to, especially not in those days where he was drinking and angry most of the time.
Not that Danny was trying to martyr himself above Tracey but it annoyed him a little bit that Tracey was so open about their life to others and not himself. He didn’t resent her talking to her mother about problems he resented the fact that she wouldn’t talk to him, what he resented more though was the fact he couldn’t bring things up with her because he thought she wouldn’t want to talk about it.
“Goddam. Fuck it all to hell!” Danny said to the empty car as he thumped the steering wheel in frustration at the thoughts that filled his head. “Goddam it! Why can’t it be fucking easier than this. Why can’t she talk to me? Why the fuck can’t I talk to her? We obviously both want it or we wouldn’t be jumping through these fucking hoops.”
Danny’s angry voice wasn’t the forerunner of an angry mood or the sign of things to come for the rest of the day it was simply frustration that would be removed as soon as he found something to take his mind off things. When he pulled into the car park at work and saw Rick forking a large wooden crate out of the back of a small pantech truck with the name of his family company on the side he knew he’d found his distraction.
Danny was fairly certain that what he was seeing Rick unload from the truck in the driveway was the new brake and suspension gear. He knew that it wouldn’t be fitted to his current race car immediately but it would be tested and worked on by the crew to ensure that when the time came they were ready to drop it into Danny’s car.
Danny climbed out of his ute and walked across the car park towards the truck, he didn’t know the truck driver but the driver seemed to know him. The two men shared a greeting as Rick lowered the fork lift and let the large wooden crate rest on the concrete driveway.
“Finally getting the new front end?” Danny asked Rick as he climbed off the forklift and stepped up towards the truck driver to sign the paper work related to the delivery.
“Sure is.” Rick took the paperwork off the truck driver. “We’ll be dropping the first one in “Marvin”, but once the other teams all get on board with it and agree to the new specs it will go straight into your car.”
Marvin was the current test model, almost identical to Danny’s race car but only ever used in testing and never on the tack. The name sequence they used was similar to that of cyclones or hurricanes, each new model was named using the next letter in the alphabet. Marvin was the thirteenth test vehicle of the current model. Before Danny got the new front end in his car they would be up to number fourteen and its name would be Neptune.
In a matter of minutes Danny’s day suddenly got so much better, even the prospect of having to do media interviews didn’t look as daunting given the good news of having the new front end arrive.
Previous Car Racing story here.