Danny lay on his back in bed, Tracey was asleep beside him, he could tell by the slow rhythmic breathing, and he was laying there thinking about what had happened over an hour before.
“This isn’t the way the movies make it sound.” Danny thought. “In the movies the woman stays awake thinking about the sex and the man is asleep and snoring beside her.” His mind paused. “Then again in the movies the fighting couple has sex and everything is magically repaired, so maybe I should stop thinking about movies!”
Danny knew it wasn’t thoughts of the act that were keeping him awake, even without putting in the effort he once might have what they had done was enjoyable. It was no where near as sensual as it had been in the early years of their marriage but it was still enjoyable.
It wasn’t even the fact that his lack of effort might have been noticed and perhaps put a dampener on how Tracey felt that was worrying him. Maybe it should have but even he knew that sex was not always a game both people played at the same time. Even in the most devoted relationships there was times where one wasn’t into sex to the same degree that their partner was, sometimes it just happened, sometimes it didn’t. But the one thing that he did know was that there is times in nearly all relationships where faking it happened by either partner.
He also knew that it wasn’t thoughts of leading Tracey on that was keeping him awake. They might have had sex, Tracey even kissing him and calling him darling before she fell asleep, but he was sure that even she knew one roll in the hay did not automatically mean their relationship was magically healed. Partly because even their therapist, Danny wasn’t sure when his mind had began referring to Francis Wayland as “their” therapist, told them sex wasn’t going to fix their relationship. But also because he was sure Tracey herself knew that there was still tension between them, tension that had to be resolved in order for bridges to be repaired.
The problem Danny had was that he couldn’t pin point exactly what it was that was keeping him awake. It wasn’t bad feelings, it wasn’t happy feelings, it wasn’t wishful feelings of more to come, it wasn’t even wishful feelings of turning back time. In fact the more he thought about it the more he began to think that it was the problem of not knowing that was keeping him awake.
Somewhere around 1am Danny finally fell asleep, in all the time he’d been lying there Tracey had barely moved, her breathing rhythm barely changing and her sleeping state not changing. He couldn’t help but feel a little resentment towards that and in the end it may have been that little harmless resentment that final tuckered him out enough to drop off into sleepy land.
When he woke the following morning at 6:02am Tracey was still asleep beside him, her breathing rhythm had hardly changed but she had rolled over onto her left hand side and was facing the windows.
Danny knew that five hours was not enough sleep, he would function and probably even function reasonably well with the aid of several coffees during the day but it was still not the amount of sleep he’d like to have gotten. He knew from past experience that with such little sleep under his belt he’d crash early that night but there was nothing he could do about it as his day was just starting.
Although he didn’t need to get up until 6:30am to get himself to work on time he also knew that if he laid in bed listening to Tracey’s rhythmic sleeping breaths he would risk falling back to sleep and he could not have that happen because he would be late for work.
Quietly Danny got himself up, grabbed his clothes for the day and went into the en-suite bathroom to get changed and ready for work. He was used to working quietly in the morning so as not to wake Tracey up and he did that.
Five minutes later when he stepped out of the bathroom he noticed immediately that Tracey’s side of the bed was vacant, the sheets were pulled back and her robe was missing. Moments later as he stepped towards the bedroom door he heard a quiet crash in the kitchen and he knew where Tracey had gone.
He still had no regrets about what had happened the night before, the sex not the lack of sleep, he’d regret the sleep part for most of the day, but that didn’t mean he wanted to talk about it. He hoped Tracey had the same thoughts. He knew that pushing things into silence and not talking about them was a big part of their problems to begin with, but at the same time how many couples sat down each morning over breakfast and discussed what they had done together the previous night?
In the end it made little difference Tracey did make him breakfast, bacon and eggs again, and they did talk but neither of them talked about sex and neither of them talked about their relationship and whether it had changed because they had sex. They simply sat down, ate breakfast, talked about their respective days ahead of them and enjoyed a quiet breakfast together.
When Danny left for work, he did notice before picking up his wallet and keys that they had not moved from where he’d left them, he was surprised at how untroubled things seemed to be despite them not talking about what they were no doubt both thinking about.
As had become a bit of a custom over the past week or two Tracey bid him farewell with the word babe added on the end of the sentence and as he had done each time he’d heard it Danny did not react. But apart from all those weird things everything else in the Holmes household felt almost normal, whether they were or not.
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