alien, Daily Prompt, driving, humor, serial fiction, writing

Rigabold: The Full Package

Rigabold the pernicketness sauntered down toward the loading bay where his new ride was waiting for him. In a straight line it wouldn’t have been a long walk however because of the circular corridors and multiple levels on the Stargazer the walk still seemed to take a long time. Had he been in his true Tumcuddulan form he’d have made the trip in a flash, but he couldn’t travel that way in the human form because like the other design flaws the human body had, its legs did not allow for such advanced form of movement.

Rigabold noticed the mistake the second he walked into the loading bay area, it was hard not to notice, because the computer had stuffed up. He’d ordered himself a red Dodge Ram as his transport, because even on Tumcuddula they knew that red goes faster, but sitting in the middle of the loading bay on a conveyor belt was a blue Dodge Ram.

In a voice that sounded similar to some Aussie character named Kenny from a movie about a portable dunny delivery guy, which by all reports was a ‘pisser of a movie’ Rigabold called out. “What’s with the stuff up computer?”

An echoing voice boomed through the loading bay area, it was the computer responding to Rigabold’s question. The computer ignored the fact that Rigabold was in human form and spoke in Tumcuddulan but he was still able to understand what it was saying. The computer told him that after careful analysis the colour choice of the vehicle was taken out of Rigabold’s hands. Rigabold reminded the computer that red cars went faster but the computer insisted that birds shit on more red cars than they did blue cars. It further stated that with the added drag of the bird shit on the duco a blue car with little to no staining would indeed go faster than a red car.

Rigabold tried to argue that the computer’s figures were unproven to which the computer reminded him that on Earth countries had things called speed limits and those speed limits were not high enough to make any speed difference or advantage. Rigabold had to agree, he really had no choice and the blue truck really didn’t look that bad anyway.

Before opening the loading bay doors Rigabold checked the computer scanner for any signs of life outside. The crater he’d found to park the ship in was a long way from anywhere but it was also a tourist point and it did get daily visitors. It was one thing to have the ship’s cloaking device turned on so it couldn’t be seen but the truck exiting the loading bay would be visible by anyone within eye shot so it was easier to check that the coast was clear rather than try to explain it.

According to the scanner there was not another human being for more than thirty three goobars. Why the computer insisted on using some Tumcuddulan references like goobars instead of just using using the human term of kilometers when he, himself, was in his human form was beyond Rigabold but he would surely be reporting such annoyances to his service centre when he took the Stargazer in for it 200 million quagnackle service.

With no one around Rigabold opened the loading bay door by head butting the button on the wall next to where he was standing. Having just thought about how annoying it was for his Stargazer to use Tumcuddulan terms when he was in human form Rigabold scalded himself for using his head to push a button,as a Tumcuddulan would do, rather than his hand like a human. Slip ups like that on Earth in front of other humans could easily see him getting embarrassed and apparently that was something most humans tried to avoid.

A wave of warm air pushed it’s way into the Stargazer as the loading bay door lowered to the ground, Rigabold immediately felt uncomfortable but he just put it down to the silly human form he was in. Using his right hand, as he should, he pushed button to operate the conveyor belt which would roll his new truck out onto the ground beside the cloaked Stargazer.

When the truck was on the ground Rigabold stepped onto the loading bay door and walked out into the open air. Stepping into the glaring sunlight he lifted his left arm to shade his eyes and immediately broke out in sweat. Sweat poured from the human pores in his body and made him instantly uncomfortable, it was annoying and something he wished he could stop, but some how just like the other annoying body habits of humans he didn’t think it was possible.

Pulling the suit jacket off his upper body in the hope of dropping his body temperature Rigabold stepped up to the right hand side of the truck, opened the door and threw the jacket inside. He then climbed in behind the steering wheel and familiarised himself with the controls.

Once the engine was started and idling away under the bonnet the next thing Riagbold did was turn on the cold box, or air conditioner as it was referred to in the manual. The second thing he did was grab the pair of dark sunglasses that were sitting on the passenger seat on the left hand side of the car. They had the words Ray Bans on them but those words meant little to Rigabold and all he wanted them to do was shade his eyes from that big burning ball in the sky.

With everything on his mental check list complete Rigabold opened the centre console, which strangely enough was between the two front seats. Wrapping his fingers around the small square fob about half the size of his hand, he pulled it out and pointed it at the ship. Using his thumb he pushed the red button once. Although he couldn’t see it, because it was in cloaking mode of course, Rigabold knew the loading bay door was shutting because the computer screen in the truck told him so.

With the Stargazer shut up and secure from any stray, human or animal, getting in by accident Rigabold then pushed the green button on the fob in his hand. Two loud beeps could be heard outside the truck and several orange lights flashed either side of where Rigabold knew the loading bay door was. The computer in the truck reported that the Stargazer’s alarm system was armed.

Content he’d done all he needed to Rigabold set off.

Previous Episode here.
First Episode here.

18 Comments

  1. I’m enjoying the new story. : )

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