My aim was good and Matthew suddenly went from dry, and probably a bit sweaty, to wet and wearing a soapy sponge. It was a quite a good shot and I really wish I could claim it was deliberate, but even I am not good enough to actually make the soapy, wet sponge actually stick to Matthew’s shirt just above his stomach. How it actually happened we’ll probably never know but it was funny for the few seconds it lasted.
“You bitch!” he screamed.
I knew it was a knee jerk reaction because bitch wasn’t really a word he used towards me even when I was being my usual loveable self, and for that reason I wasn’t offended by it, but that didn’t mean I could let him get away with it.
“Excuse me.” I said in a loud and stern voice. “Maybe I should stick that soapy sponge in your mouth and wash it out, just like Mum used to wash your mouth out when you used naughty words.” Of course it never happened to me, I was a nice girl!
“Bitch isn’t a naughty word. I bet even Mum would have thrown that word at you if you socked her with what you socked me with.”
Actually he was probably right, I wouldn’t ever have thrown a bucket of water at Mum but if I did as a knee jerk reaction she probably would have had bitch and several other choice words ready to let fly at me.
“Mum loves me, she wouldn’t ever be so mean!” I added.
“Of course not, you were always the pet who got special treatment!”
As much as treating me better than anyone else should have been the norm it wasn’t really the case. Our parents treated us both equally fair, and unfair in our eyes sometimes, and in times of doubt we both got in trouble not just one of us. So Matthew knew he was again telling furphies but I wasn’t going to pull him up on every little misdemeanour because I’m too nice for that.
I had run out of things to throw at him, other than the bucket and that would have been childish so I tried to calm the situation down a bit by being the more mature sibling.
I walked back into the shed with the empty bucket and at the same time said. “It’s only fair I got the special treatment, after all you were a pansy, they didn’t need to encourage that by pampering to your every whim as well!” I’m such a good sister!
Inside the shed I put the bucket back on the shelf next to all the cleaning gear then turned and stepped back to the open door. I was a little surprised that Matthew had remained quiet and not come back with anything in response to my caring and loving words, but I figured either he was out of insults or maybe he’d said something in a lower voice and I hadn’t heard it through the wall of the shed.
Stepping into the open door way I was about to ask him if he was ok when I missed my chance to even speak.
Almost in the same place as he’d gotten me the first time the not quite as soggy and soapy sponge slapped into my face. However unlike the first time where the sponge had come straight out of the bucket and only been full of soapy water, this time it had less water in it and more dirt stuck on it’s outer surface.
Because when the sponge dropped off Matthew’s chest it had hit the ground the dampness had of course attracted dirt, tiny granules of sand and tiny stones to it. I was unwilling to accept that Matthew didn’t feel all that stuck to the thing as he picked it up, waited for me to come into target range and throw it directly at me, but I also had no proof so I had to accept that maybe he didn’t.
Either way it didn’t really matter because suddenly I was standing there with a sopping wet puddle on the side of my head and tiny little stones and sand stuck to my skin or running down my neck with the rest of the water.
As much as I wasn’t going to admit it the attack was well timed and aimed and probably deserved the little bit of cheering and dancing that Matthew allowed himself, after all he’d got me fair and square while my defences were down and I was unsuspecting. Whether it was truly worth the amount of cheering and fluffing around he was doing I wasn’t convinced but dammit it was a bloody good shot.
Now I could have retaliated, I could have gone postal on my dear brother for what he did, but once again I decided to be the bigger person, the more mature person and take the higher road to enlightenment. Well I kind of had to because there was nothing within easy reach that I could throw at him that wouldn’t kill him, and I really didn’t want that…too much mess to clean up!
“Very good shot smart arse! Well done. Now how about we head inside and you get cleaned up while I cook us some dinner?”
“You might also want to get cleaned up, at least wash that shit off your face!” He laughed.
“At least the shit on my face washes off, you’re stuck with that shitty face forever!” I responded.
“I’m so glad I came all the way up here to visit you!” Matthew replied, he had stopped laughing.
“I’m glad too!” I replied without laughing or making any joke of it.
Previous Outback Rescue story here.