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Rigabold: What Am I Missing?

Incognito parking sorted, body sorted, transport sorted, Rigabold the pernicketness was nearly set to start his earthbound quest, he only had one more task to do, clothe himself.

He knew that to most humans clothing was a fairly important part of the daily process, many wouldn’t even leave the bedroom without some form of it, let alone consider leaving their house. It was widely accepted that the human body was beautiful in all forms, but so few people considered their own the same way and spent most of them time covering it up. Rigabold was sure that if it wasn’t some kind of long held tradition many of these human creatures would actually bathe in their clothing items to further rebel against the naked form they all shared.

There was some humans on the planet who liked to walk around unclothed, be it alone or in groups but their numbers were not high and the groups were usually segregated to remote locations where the rest of the clothed people could not see them. Nakedness, especially out in the open, seemed to be frowned upon by the vast majority of people.

What Rigabold didn’t quite understand was that there was also a select bunch of these human creatures who were happy to pay money to see their peers take their clothes off to music, but these same people wouldn’t considering doing the same thing with or without money. It was that taboo nature of nakedness and the idea that it had to be paid for which confused the Tumcuddulans the most, it was backward thinking and something they had trouble adapting to when they did drop into Earth.

It was because of his dislike for human cladding that it was the last task he chose to do before leaving his Stargazer. Throughout the process of the body change and the transport selection he’d wandered around in the “good” Hemsworth’s naked body trying to adapt to it, get used to the curves, the aches and of course the dangley bits. In such a body his dangley bits were not a big issue, it wasn’t like they slapped against his leg, or knocked his knee caps, far from it, in fact they barely needed support, but their free floating nature was enough to remind him they were there when he took a step. He hoped the computer would choose a holder that made such an annoyance go away.

Rigabold flicked back and forth through multiple layers of computer screens. He didn’t like any of the outfits that the computer had shown him. The computer was programmed to select clothing based on trends of the time in which he was visiting and clothes the body he had selected would wear. The pity was that like most people on Earth the owner of his body, like so many others on the planet had terrible taste.

Not happy with his choices but knowing he had to make them Rigabold flicked five screen layers over onto the order button just like had when he ordered his new wheels. Clothing didn’t take nearly as long for the computer to make as transportation did and he knew he’d have his choice of five outfits within five linpickles.

While the computer did its thing Rigabold stood at the console flicking through maps of Australia, it was a big country and he really needed to decide how he was going to get to the small town where his mission would be complete. As he read through the screens in front of him he rocked slightly in his new body, his dangley bits hitting the table each time and reminding him that his clothes couldn’t arrive quick enough.

A clang, a bong and a bing alerted Rigabold to the arrive of his clothes. He cupped himself and walked over to the chute to collect his clothes, the longer he was in the human body the more the dangley bits where annoying him.

The clothes came out of the chute wrapped in small packages pairing together the same outfits in which they were shown to him on the computer, it was a handy feature which meant he didn’t have to risk mismatching anything and looking silly.

He chose the combination of faded blue denim jeans, some kind of sneaker or running shoe for his feet and a black t-shirt. The shoes fitted quite comfortably but both the t-shirt and the jeans seemed overly tight.

The shirt was so tight that it showed the ripple of his chest and stomach, if ogling was a good thing on Earth he was sure some of the females he came across would appreciate his rippled shirt. The jeans were the same, they were so tight he didn’t need the holder underneath them, but he did wear it because apparently it was accepted attire. He knew there was a special name for the holder but he refused to use it since it was such a silly name.

There was a jacket that kind of looked like what humans called a suit jacket hanging neatly on the floor next to the delivery chute which Rigabold knew from the pictures he’d seen was part of the human costume. He actually looked forward to putting it on so that he could further hide the body he was wearing. He knew he shouldn’t be letting the ickiness of the human form get to him so much, because he had a long journey ahead of him using the primitive transport humans used but there was more annoying him about the human body than just the dangley bits.

By the time Rigabold had finished dressing and looking at the maps the computer did its clang, bong and bing thing telling him that his new Dodge RAM had been prepared and was parking in the docking bay ready for him to leave and begin his Earth bound journey.

TBC

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