Don’t drop the soap
Don’t smoke no dope
Get yourself a lawyer, son
You’re gonna need a good one to get you outta this one
Things weren’t as dire as Tex Perkins and The Cruel Sea claimed when they sung those words but in case you didn’t work it out after my last instalment, the boss, Henry, was only ringing because he’d been made aware of a problem.
When I asked what sort problem we had Henry only needed to say two words for me to know exactly what he was talking about. Those two words were “Sliver Commodore”. Sure enough it had only been a few hours since that stupid trunk monkey who was not paying attention suddenly found himself attracted to a tree after closely missing our load, but it was enough time to cause a pain in our arses..
“Did the dickhead ring you to apologise and you are passing on his apology?” I asked the boss knowing full well that wasn’t the reason for the call.
“Yeah, he wants to apologise through his fucking lawyer.” Henry replied.
“Well, an apology is an apology even if it’s done by a guy in a suit.” I said.
“Have you ever met a lawyer that knows the word sorry?” Henry said
“To be fair mate I’ve never met a lawyer that is human.” I said.
My phone started beeping in my ear, I was fairly sure what the beeping was but I dropped phone from my ear and looked at the screen to confirm my thoughts. Sure enough the beeping was to indicate that the battery was running low. I told the boss to hang on for a few seconds as I climbed into the truck and plugged it in to the charger. Once back in the driver’s seat I told the boss to continue.
“What happened out there today?” Henry asked.
“Have you spoken to Jimmy?” I asked.
Because nothing had been said about it after we pulled up for the night I figured Jimmy had rung base and informed them of what was going on. Apparently I had figured wrong and I would find out later that Jimmy figured I had rung the boss while he was dealing with the guy.
“Nope, first I heard about it was when the guy rang me and filled my ear with a mouthful of expletives and insults.” Henry said.
“He insulted himself?” I asked knowing that’s not what the boss meant.
“He didn’t have time. He was too busy telling me how badly you and the boys drive and how you have a blatant disregard for the road rules.”
“Maybe he could educate us in those road rules that we weren’t adhering.” I suggested.
“Oh there is quite a number of things he’d like to educate you in.”
“So is that why you are ringing?” I paused for a moment before adding. “He wants to know where we are so he can come and educate us does he?”
“Oh yeah like I need that!”
It was the sign of just how great of a boss Henry was to allow me to waffle on like I was when there was obviously a reason why he was ringing. I think it’s probably because before he was a boss he was a driver which meant he knew the position we were in. Although it wasn’t just understanding how much of a pain other drivers can be it was also that he knew what it felt like to be parked up at dinner time just wanting a rest before you did it all again the following day.
“Mate you sound stressed and you’re at work late, what’s the dickhead actually done?” I asked getting our conversation back on track.
“He wants us to pay for the damage to his car.”
Now obviously we have insurance, as a business we pay an absolute shitload of money in premiums so genuine accidents and mishaps don’t come out of the company kitty. As well as that we have insurance on each load, especially a load like the sub station that is worth nearly four million bucks. However the more claims we make the higher our premiums go and they are already high enough without paying out for dickheads who ruin their own cars.
“You were serious about that lawyer?” I said referring back to the start of our conversation.
“Yep! Well I’m serious that he rung up and told me that his lawyer was demanding we pay for the damage to his car. But lets face it how many people actually ring us and tell us they have a lawyer?”
Henry was right, if a lawyer was involved they don’t let the client do their own dirty work. Not only do lawyers thrive paddling around in shit but with everything they do able to be signed off as billable hours sitting on their arse making ten minute phone calls they can bill the client an hour for is not something they often pass up the opportunity to do.
“So did he even drop a lawyer’s name?” I asked.
“Nope, just referred to him as the lawyer. Even told me I could pay the money straight into his personal account.”
You’re kidding?” I laughed a I spoke.
“Sadly I’m not.”
“How much does he want?”
“Dunno yet, said he’s going to a panel beater tomorrow and will get a quote.” Henry said.
“What’s the bet that panel beater is a mate and the price will include his little fee as well.” I said knowing how pricks like Commodore boy worked.
“Without a doubt.” Henry replied.
“So what is it I can do for you mate?” I asked.
Previous Heavy Haulage Story here.