Daily Prompt, dreams, folk metal, heavy metal, humor, pirate metal, pirates, serial fiction, writing

The Pirate Captain: I Am A Cider Drinker

The two ships, the Privateer and the Revenge, drifted slowly southward from the cold waters of the northern seas towards the warmer waters of their Caribbean like home port. There was barely enough wind to bellow the sails of the Privateer and with her extra weight any forward movement was slow but they would not give up. For the first time in many sea bound journeys, as a two crew team, the Privateer was leading the Revenge but only leading by the length of their longest rope.

The crews had been victorious, they’d achieved what no other pirate crew in history had managed to do. They had slaughtered the mighty beast Leviathan. They’d sent the jellied terrorsquid to the murky depths of her own hell spawned lair. Until the end of their days the crew’s reputation would proceed them wherever they went, beyond that legends would tell of their success because for their victory they would be respected and revered throughout the world. No other pirate crew would dare challenge them once they knew of the achievements this raggamuffin crew.

But the victory hadn’t come without cost. No lives had been lost aboard either ship, a notable achievement in itself, but the beast had been able to inflict her own damage to both ships before her demise. Aboard the Privateer they’d been lucky the damage was mostly superficial, rails, barrels, a few ropes and guys and several boards across the top deck where Leviathan’s long tentacle slammed down, but the same could not be said for the Revenge.

While the Revenger had suffered similar superficial damage that could easily be repaired in port the damage that hurt her the most was the snapping of the front mast. Despite the unlucky hit there had however been some luck because had the mast broken below the deck the ship’s spine could have been damaged allowing water into the hull. However with the sharp spiky remnants of the mast above the deck not only had it helped severe the massive tentacle it hadn’t left the ship in fear of sinking.

What had been left of the mast when Leviathan’s tentacle had slithered off the deck was beyond salvage, even if they were near port, rendering the ship severely handicapped across the seas. It was for that reason that that she was effectively dead in the water and being towed home by the Privateer. Without the front sail she could have sailed home under her own power but it would have been slow and the Good Captain refused to leave his second ship in such a state

Despite the damage to the ship the crew of the Revenge were of good spirits, how could they not be they had beaten the mighty beast of the sea. Those not manning the ship and keeping her trailing behind the Privateer were a little more spirited than the rest. Rum spirited! Except for Flint McSwaggle, he had found himself a different kind of tipple to topple the tiredness, for he was a cider drinker and not only that a cider drinker that sung, out of tune, out of rhythm, loud and proud.

When th’ moon glimmers down
On th’ cow shed’s green ground
‘n we be rollin’ in th’ hay
All th’ cows shall be mooin’
Cause th’ milk is on it’s way

I’m nah much o’ a thinker
‘n I drinks me cider all o’ th’ day
It soothes all me worries away
’cause I be a cider drinker.

Because of his out of tune, drunken, loud singing Flint McSwaggle had been relegated to the bow of the ship, if he was to have and audience it was to be one that chose to listen to his bellowing Captain Bildgepoole had decreed. But that did not worry young Flint and the more he drank his cider the drunker he got and the louder he sung out of tune.

We be so snug in th’ kitchen
While we be eatin’ ye rabbit stew
But when th’ breeze blows in from th’ farmyard
Ye can smell th’ cow shit too

Th’ mixin’ aromas stop th’ world turnin’
‘n another hard days work be done
So ye can get me another cider
‘n we can continue our fun.

I’m nah much o’ a thinker
‘n I drinks me cider all o’ th’ day
It soothes all me worries away
’cause I be a cider drinker.

Neither the chorus or the verses were getting better the longer they went on but that did not stop the crowd slowly forming around the cider drunken pirate. Their cheering and clapping was his encouragement while the cider lubricated his throat and allowed him to sing even louder.

Take me here now dear ole Mable
Come on I knows ye be able
T’ take me on a trip down Lover’s Lane
I shall share wit’ ye me Scrumpy
‘n we can play ole natures game.

Lets hope we don’t end up in th’ pond
When th’ bathtub be so close
’cause th’ pond be full o’ tadpoles
‘n th’ buggers nibble tootsy toes

I’m nah much o’ a thinker
‘n I drinks me cider all o’ th’ day
It soothes all me worries away
’cause I be a cider drinker.

Let cider be th’ spice o’ life!

The words of the versus changed each time Flint McSwagger sung the bawdy little sea shanty but each time he finished with those same seven words without fail, “Let cider be the spice of life!”

Captain Bildgepoole laughed heartedly at the shenanigans at the bow of the ship, he couldn’t hear every word sung from his position on the navigational deck but he didn’t need to. He knew the words changed each time Flint McSwagger sung the song and he was sure he’d heard the song more times than there was actual words in the song.

Previous Pirate story here.


  1. Lol … that was hilarious! : )

  2. And you say I’m difficult to pick?
    I have never heard all these sayings. Maybe that’s good, because I think I’m fixin’ to smack you.

  3. I guess that’s how you ended up with a broken nose ..

    • See this is proof that the problem is your lack of sense of humour. I never said I had a broken nose, I made a funny about being harder to pick than a broken nose, which if you consider it for a few moments would in fact be a hard thing to do.

      Thankfully you never search for any of the silly Aussie songs I refer to in my silly stories.

      I’ll have to stop with the Australian slang and the Australian colloquialisms and write in words of less than three syllables to make it easier for you 😛

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