Daily Prompt, driving, events, humor, serial fiction, Stories, truck, writing

Heavy Haulage: Wiggles In A Truck?

Vroom Vroom chugga chugga big blue truck,
We travel near and we wont get stuck
Vroom Vroom chugga chugga big blue truck
Were gonna drive the whole day long

Did you know the Wiggles came to me when they wanted to write that song?

No?

Neither did they, but honestly they should have. The main reason they didn’t was because they drive a glorified clown car and would have no idea how to drive a truck.

Matt, he’s in the front truck
Singing up a great storm
Matt, he’s in the front truck
Man can he preform!

I think the main thing the Wiggles had against my version when they heard it was that the word truck appeared in the song too often, not just because they couldn’t drive one but the word itself. You know how kids are today, just imagine how upset the parents would be to take their little cherubs to a concert and hear them change the words to the song, as is an aussie tradition. That’s right innocent parents everywhere crying at a chorus of five year olds substituting the word truck for something that rhymes with truck.

Corey’s in the rear truck
He’s having, a wee snooze
Corey’s in the rear truck
Sucked down too much booze!

Honestly I could do this all day, in fact I kind of do. It’s probably a good thing you are not actually sitting here in the passenger seat with me because I can almost guarantee that you wouldn’t return with the same level of sanity you started with.

So where was I?

Oh that’s right we’d finally reached that eighty kilometre stretch of single lane highway between St. Arnuld and Kenwood and we were dealing with other road users. I seem to remember telling you about the B Double reefer that we moved over for and that if it had been a cattle trailer we’d have given it a lot more room. Well that happened before we even got ten kilometres into the terror stretch.

“Look out Matt.” Pete’s voice across the CB again. “Silver Commodore with go fastie stripes up the bonnet. Coming your way fast! Blew past me doing a hundred easy didn’t even look like he saw me.”

Now that is not a bad effort, I think I told you before that on these sorts of roads Pete usually sat about a kilometre ahead of us and sat in the middle off the road. It’s a job I have always hated purely because of the risk. It’s not so bad driving along the middle of the road in a vehicle that takes up most of the road because you are constantly looking in the mirrors and reminding yourself there is a reason for riding the white line. But in a standard road going ute, even an F series ute that is bigger than most other cars on the road, it goes against the human brain to drive on the white line even when you are permitted to do so. Try it!

It actually takes an effort to stay on the white line in a pilot vehicle when for the rest of your driving career you are told to stay on the left hand side of it, not only that the traffic coming towards you, the traffic on the other side of the blind corner, the traffic coming over that hill, also expect you to be on the opposite side of the white line, not on it.

One of the other big problems driving along the white line is trying to anticipate what the drivers coming towards you are going to do. Anticipation of other drivers is something all drivers need to do but when you’re on the wrong side of the road and you have 155 tonnes chasing you anticipating what others will do before they do it is important.

I remember one time I was driving the pilot truck, this was back in the day when we drove eight tonne FH100 Mitsubishi tray trucks as the support vehicles, so we could cart generators and the like before such things got smaller, and I got the biggest fright of my life. Seventy five clicks down the highway, lights flashing, the load, a large mining truck, about seven hundred metres behind and even a police escort.

Before I knew what was happening an old shitbox Ford Econovan decided he needed to take evasive action to avoid the large load that was coming and instead of slowing down and veering to the left hand side of the road out of the way the idiot sped up and veered to the right, across my lane and around the passenger side of my truck. He proceeded to pass the escorted load on the same side by which time the police escort coming up the rear has decided they wanted to ask him a few questions.

“Roger Pete. Watching for silver Dunnydoor.” I replied.

I didn’t have to watch for long and thankfully the driver of the silver Commodore was not as bad as the guy I mentioned in the Econovan but that didn’t mean I wasn’t on the edge of my seat. Within seconds saw the speeding car coming towards me and when Pete said he didn’t think the guy saw him I wasn’t surprised because the car was back in his own lane and speeding towards me.

Now as you can appreciate I can’t just swerve out of the way and give an idiot like this room to move. I can move over some distance and like I have suggested we can get the tyres on the dirt if we have to but swerving onto such a surface at speed is dangerous.

I really had little choice as to what I could do.

Previous Heavy Haulage story here.

4 Comments

  1. The first part was funny. I don’t know why you would be worry about children saying “duck?” Wiggles are always fun and riding with you in a truck would be hilarious. : )

    • Because duck shooters in this country are on a par with sewer treatment plants and we don’t want kids growing up thinking that dunk hunting could be a thing!

      I have to be really tired to make a long drive entertaining because the more tired I am the silly my conversations get. The best part about those conversations though is that I don’t need company to have them.

  2. As long as you can entertain yourself … the show is always free. : )

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