A camera sitting on the mantel piece
My wife doth think that I was fleeced
Thinks I was a fool of the highest scale
But folks let me tell you a wee little tale.

It was the year of eighty eight
I got caught and it sealed my fate
I was laying low in a comfy bordello
Getting a rub and felling so mellow

Rubbity dub, I didn’t expect a barrage
Because I was in heaven getting a massage
Full body rub down, I was so elated
Full body rub down, I was butt naked

Rolled onto my back I was in all of my glory
It was like some kind of fairytale story
Anyone watching could easily have sighted
That I was lubricated and I was excited

Then all of a sudden with a thunderous crash
A man jumped from the cupboard, flash, flash, flash
There I was caught, with my pants down
A huge smile too not even a frown

“Hey Tom my good mate.” the camera man said
“Think I’ll be selling pics to the one that you wed.”
I jumped off the bed and begged for my life
“Bazza you can’t go and tell, my damn wife!”

“A few bob in this,” Bazza said with a grin
“Camera will cost you a grand to begin.”

“I can’t afford that.” I said in despair.
“Come on mate, can’t you be a little bit fair?”

“Yep, there is definitely money in this.
Photos with you and a hooker wont miss.”

It wasn’t like I had an expansive cash surplus
I had little choice but to make the big purchase
I took the camera home and placed it on the mantel
It could been seen from every chair, every angle.

“What’s that then?” My wife she did question
Immediately she started with the aggression

“It’s a camera I bought and proudly I display,
So up here on the mantel I want it to stay.”

“Suppose you got ripped off, you silly fool.
What did you pay for this dust collecting tool?”

“Not that it matters but it cost me a grand
One day I might even buy it a new stand.”

She laughed in my face, “You got a real drumming.
For a thousand dollars they must have seen you coming!”