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The Pirate Captain: Scrappin’ The Barrel

The Good Captain had been scraping the barrel for several months. Their campaigns had been successful, they had returned from their voyages with hulls of loot and their crews were as united and as strong as ever. But the Good Captain had still be scraping the barrel.

He was tired, he was worn out and the rest and relaxation he was getting just wasn’t doing enough to allow him to recover. Earlier in the day, much earlier, he’d told the Fair Maiden of his concerns and that the only thing that would pull him out of such a slump was a barrel of Buckfast Powersmash.

There was however two major problems they would be face with in getting such a caffeine laden beverage.

Firstly the distance. It would take days of sailing for them to reach the Northern Ireland tavern where the mystical ale was brewed and while the ships and crew were always ready to set sail could he really make such a journey with the only goal being to get drunk? Could he?

Secondly how could he order his ships to sail all that way, a trip he knew would not be made again in the foreseeable future and not fill the entire hulls with barrels of the gods nectar? Price was not a concern, their looted treasures would easily pay for what he wanted, but could he afford to travel the seas with two ships laden with booze?

“Why should ye’ be worryin’ about either of those things?” The Fair Maiden had told him over lunch after she again was able to drag his thoughts out into the open.

“Are ye sayin’ we should jus’ go? Hang th’ reason fer nah makin’ such a trip?” The Good Captain asked.

“That be exactly what I be sayin’” The Fair Maiden replied still working on her pirate accent and getting it right several times in every speech.

“But thar be no return in such a trip!” The Good Captain said.

“Of course thar be a return. Your happiness my dear!”

For the next twenty four hours the Good Captain contemplated his thoughts. Should he? Could he? Will he? When he finally came to the conclusion that making such a journey and returning with as many barrels as his mighty ship could lug could be done without putting his crew and ships in undue danger things began to move fast.

Tide calculations, weather predictions, ammunition loaded, swords sharpened, if it needed doing to get those ships on the water and headed towards Northern Ireland it was done and done in record time. The Good Captain sat down with Captain Bridgepoole, the Fair Maiden and the two second mates and briefed them on his plans.

“Do ye reckon th’ scallywags be at all worried about such a frivolous journey?” The Good Captain said to Captain Bildgepoole when he was finished out laying his plans.

“They be a loyal crew Captain, thar will be no complaints. Besides, if any o’ them ‘ave been lucky enough t’ partake a tipple o’ Buckfast Powersmash afore they surely wouldna argue fer a chance t’ partake again.”

“Aye, it be an amazin’ tipple.” The Good Captain replied still a little half hearted and not entirely convinced the trip was a good way to spend their time.

“Th’ would follow yer orders t’ th’ ends o’ th’ earth Captain.”

“So like th’ Fair Maiden here ye be sayin’ we should definitely be settin’ sail?” The Good Captain asked Captain Bildgepoole


Despite the Good Captain’s question being directed at Captain Bildgepoole the affirmative answer was spoken once and echoed twice as both first mates agreed too.

With five hours until they were ready to set sail the Good Captain stood, as he had before the sun rose that morning, in the bedroom looking out the window only this time he was quietly reciting the words of a text passage the Fair Maiden did not recognise, but understood.

“I ‘ave run out o’ tales be tellin’. No more tales o’ battles at sea. If thin’s don’t improve our days o’ journeys will surely come t’ an end, ‘n I’ll be scrapin’ th’ barrel me man.”

The Fair Maiden knew his word were all related to what he was talking about earlier in the morning after they’d spent an hour laying together as one in the bed upon which she was sitting. The Good Captain was at a loss, thinking he was running out of things to keep the crew interested. It was those thoughts that were plaguing him and it was those thoughts that were driving the want for the journey they were about to undertake.

Several times over the following five hours the Fair Maiden heard the Good Captain recite the same words. Not once did she make it known she had heard him however she always made sure he knew she was close at hand if he needed her. She would be keeping her eyes on him over the next few days to make sure things were not getting too much for him to handle.

As the Good Captain and the Fair Maiden made their way down to the Privateer all ready to set sail he knew that he’d not put in his greatest effort getting to his current point. He wasn’t making excuses, for himself or for others but he knew that if he was to keep to his original plan, the plan he’d come up with before he was even made captain he had to roll with the punches and take the good with the bad. If what he’d just been facing was the bad he knew that he’d given his best and those he was doing it for would understand.

Previous Pirate Captain Story here.


  1. Deanna

    Ahh… there be lots of current flowing underneath the words.

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