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The Pirate Captain: Midget Saw

Ben d’Plank came running back along the cobbled path towards the castle, he’d been enjoying some down time with a few ciders and the company of one of Nancy’s finest women. He was moving hastily looking for the Good Captain but knew better than to scream his call at the top of his voice.

“Wha’ be yer problem me young pirate?” The Good Captain said when Ben stepped up to him, out of breath and panting after such a quick run.

Ben looked at his captain who was standing on the steps of the castle in the air, the fair maiden on his left and Captain Bridgepoole on his right. All three were looking at Ben and waiting patiently for him to catch his breath

“Nancy sent me Cap’n. Thar has been trouble at th’ tavern ‘n she requested yer help.” Ben replied still panting slightly.

The Good Captain needed to hear no more, Nancy did not send out a request for help if it was not needed. It didn’t even matter to the good captain what help was required, he would rally the troops and they would head down to Nancy’s immediately. In such a situation the entire crew would be happy to go at Nancy’s call but instead the Good Captain chose only a small group leaving the rest of the crew to stay at base and be ready should they be needed.

Less than fifteen minutes later the Good Captain pushed the doors of Nancy’s Tavern open and walked inside. Twenty of his crew followed closely behind him, all walked with their hands poised ready to grab their weapons.The bar was next to empty but that did not mean Nancy wasn’t still in need of their help.

Walking up to the bar the Good Captain greeted Nancy with a smile, she returned the greeting with one of her own. “Rummenhaggle, me ol’ salt!”

“Nancy ye ol’ wench. Wha’ be yer trouble?” The Good Captain asked. Nancy pointed to the dark corner of the tavern where a midget laid tied to a table. “Who’s that short scallywag, wha’ did he do?”

“He killed me monkey wit’ his boot!” Nancy replied referring to the large monkey statue that had stood on the end of the bar for as long as the Good Captain could remember.

“Why tha monkey? Why his shoe?”

“’Cause the monkey’s belly was full o’ gold!” Nancy said angrily. “Th’ monkey needs his damn revenge!”

“Don’t ye be worryin’ Nancy ol’ girl. That monkey thar we shall avenge!” said the Good Captain proudly.

“As usual me ole Rummenhaggle I do nah wants t’ know wha’ be t’ be done.” Nancy said without much thought.

“As be yer wish Nancy.” The Good Captain said to bar wench before turning to his crew and saying. “Grab th’ dwarf.”

The Good Captain’s crew dragged the dishevelled dwarf through the cobbled pathways and back to the castle in the air. They all knew what would happen when they returned, it was a punishment fit only for the mankiest of midgets to walk the earth.

In a darkened room lit by less than five candles built on the end of the jetty where the two large ships were moored the Good Captain, Captain Bildgepoole and a dozen men stood patiently before the dwarf who was once again tied to a table. The crew that were present had started a chant, a chant that carried out the open door and was chorused by the crew outside..

Midget Saw, ’twill be yer deadly fate
Hacked off arms ‘n ye’re fish bait
Midget Saw, ’tis th’ pirate way
Pirate code says both yer legs we slay
Body diced into wee pieces
Torn ‘n shredded ye breath decreases
Ye’re gonna ‘ave one sore head
Ye’re gonna wish that ye were dead!

The look on the dwarf’s face as he lay on the table was one of fear, he knew he’d done wrong and he knew his fate was sealed. As the pirate chant settled down the Good Captain again took over.

“Grab the scoundrel by his manky tresses ‘n make sure he is strapped t’ th’ table. This manky midget wont be walkin’ again ’cause he be in fer a world o’ nasty pain!”

The crew moved around the room around following the Good Captain’s orders chanting and cheering for what was about to happen.

“Slap that manky midget wit’ a ship’s oar. Make his head rin’, make it sore, then whil’ he’s screamin’ take off those legs wit’ th’ Midget Saw.” Called the Good Captain over the roar of the excited crew.

As the crew set about the deed of removing the manky midget from the land of the living they continued their chant.

Midget Saw, ’twill be yer deadly fate
Hacked off arms ‘n ye’re fish bait
Midget Saw, ’tis th’ pirate way
Pirate code says both yer legs we slay
Body diced into wee pieces
Torn ‘n shredded ye breath decreases
Ye’re gonna ‘ave one sore head
Ye’re gonna wish that ye were dead!

Screams filled the small room as the midget was dealt his punishment. Pirate after pirate helped with the dismemberment, removing chunks of arms and pieces of legs one at a time with the Midget Saw. Each slice brought another scream, louder than the one before it. The loudest scream being reserved for the final cut which saw the manky little man’s head removed from his neck.

By dinner time the last of his small manky body would he tossed out into the bay feeding the fish that lurked in it’s depths.

Previous Pirate story here.

16 Comments

  1. Deanna

    Eww… Me’jit didn’t like that one at all! : (

  2. Giggle …. I think that was probably included …

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