So who was it that was saying they wanted my family to visit? Whoever it was I’m sure I owe you a headache because that’s what your wish has given me! Seriously, Matthew had been at my place for less than an hour, well he’d been there since the previous night but I hadn’t been there when he arrived. Actually I should take that as a good thing because if I had the headache I did after only an hour how would I have been after twelve hours?
Hang on I’ll start again.
After about an hour of having my little brother at my house my head was throbbing because the guy really was playing the stupid card and playing it for all it was worth. Instead of telling me why he’d made the long trip, seemingly from South Australia given the registration plates of his car, he’d thrown me the plot for the movie Crocodile Dundee. What’s even worse was that he fed me that story and actually expected me to fall for it.
One way or another I was going to get the story out of him, I was hoping for his sake that he wasn’t going to be silly enough to choose the physical option. I decided to give him one more chance to be sensible before I took matters into my own hands.
“So are you going to tell me why you are here?” I asked. Immediately I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t going to be serious so I stepped in and cut him off at the pass so to speak. “Before you consider how many other ways you might be able to bullshit me cast your mind back to when you were fifteen and you wouldn’t tell Mum and Dad the truth about who had been smoking in the back shed.”
Matthew thought for a few seconds then replied. “You mean the day that I let you wrestle me to the floor like a footballer going a free kick so that Mum thought it was you trying to stop me from telling the truth and not the other way around?”
“Of course that would be the way you remember it.” I said with a smile.
“Oh don’t worry I also remember the way you took what was a playful fight and nearly left me unable to have kids!”
I laughed at him because he was of course remembering things a little more twisted than they needed to be. What actually happened was that I had wrestled him to the floor, and it definitely wasn’t any footballer faking for a free kick either, I downed him in one quick sweep and he fell like a sack of spuds. Before I jumped on him he actually rolled onto his right side leaving me to land on his hip, but it also gave him a chance to throw me off by wriggling.
Back and fourth we went wrestling, squirming, wriggling, kicking and yelling at each other while Mum yelled at both of us. But the final submission move didn’t come until I began to dig my elbow into his left thigh. Even I have to admit what happened next wasn’t planned but I have to say it was one of the best tactical manoeuvres I’ve ever seen because it the pain was self inflicted.
Digging my elbow further into the soft flesh of his thigh he was screaming for me to stop, but I refused. Had he tried to wriggle out from under me completely he would not have suffered the way he did but instead he tried to escape the pain in his leg by moving it. As his leg moved my elbow slipped across his thigh until there was no more leg to dig into. Unfortunately for Matthew what that meant was that my elbow had suddenly gone from digging into the outer thigh of his left leg to dropping hard and fast onto the inner thigh of his right leg.
Now I admit that none of that was actually planned however from that moment on Matthew never really tried to attack me or unjustly accuse me of anything again. It was my hope that reminding him of such things was enough to stop the silly stories because I really didn’t want to beat him up again, it was too hot.
“So how about the truth lil bro?”
I’m happy to say that Matthew finally saw things my way and started to tell me the real story. As it turns out his visit was nothing more than a holiday to visit his dear sister. He was between jobs and had spent the best part of a week coming up from Perth to spend some time with me before he needed to look for another job. His original plan had been to arrive before dinner the day before, which would have given him a chance to come into town and look for me, but he’d been caught up in Broome until nearly lunch time which of course delayed his arrival until after dinner and he was too tired to do anything other than crash on the couch.
It’s amazing how easily things go when people co-operate because I even managed to get out of my dear brother why he was driving a South Australian registered car. As it turns out it was a rental, which pretty much means it could be registered anywhere, and it was the reason Matthew had been caught up in Broome. His four wheel drive was parked in a mechanics workshop with a faulty computer and it was going to be stuck there for at least a week until the parts arrived from Spain. That gave me a time frame of at least a week before my brother would be heading home.
“So have you got any plans while you’re here?” I asked figuring we were on normal speaking terms and I’d get a straight answer. Little did I know that was not to be the case and I was about to be delivered the funniest line I think I have ever heard come out of anyone’s mouth.
“I thought I could help you!”
Previous Outback Rescue story here.