It was my first jump and oh damn was I nervous
From the ground my family were trying to observe us
I’d done all the training and was told I’d survive
They said I was ready for my first solo dive

Adrenalin spiking I leapt out the small door
Cold rushing air, bet your arse that I swore
Leaping into the sky, wondering if I was sane
What sort of a lunatic jumps out of a plane?

Plummeting to the ground like a bat out of hell
Suddenly I was wishing I was a sea gull
“Relax,” I remembered the instructor had said.
“Keep calm, think and just don’t lose your head”

“Pull the ripcord once and the chute it will open”
They were the words the instructor had spoken
Yank it I did but of course nothing happened
Splatting on the ground I instantly imagined

“Keep calm and relax,” it was good advice
Helped me remember the back up device
A reserve chute there was, it could not be ignored
All I had to do was find and pull the second ripcord

Finding the tab and giving it a good yank
I was starting to wonder if someone was pulling a prank
There was no reserve chute catching the breeze
I’d soon be deader that week old cottage cheese

Panic set in and I was really getting concerned
I tried really hard to remember what I had learned
Looking down at the ground I could suddenly see
A big burly man and he was coming toward me

I called out to the man upward a-rushing,
“What do you know ‘bout parachute jumpin?”
“Bloody nuthin’” said the man comin’ into view,
“You know anything ‘bout, lighting a gas barbecue?”