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The Parcel: Are We Home Yet?

“So I’m not allowed to go back and see Janis or The Who but we have time for a free meal?” I asked Téa as we sat in the dinner in middle America 1969.

“Always have time for a free meal, and we have time for a few more shakes or maybe even a sundae if you want one.”

“Do you think the police will extend the tab that far?” I asked.

It was an important question because I didn’t have any money and I worked out some time ago that Téa’s money would be a risk to use if she didn’t have some way to guarantee she was only using money the was made before 1969. We had of course had this discussion previously, and I chose not to bore you with it because Téa convinced me she had it under control. It’s not that I didn’t believe her but at the same time even a smart person has reservations sometime.

“We’ve travelled in time back to 1969, we’ve been on a magical mystery tour of the country back roads and raided a camp of gypsies all while being chased by an old lady and the only thing you worried about is whether our free meal extended to desert?”

“Once again your articulation is astounding, so clear, so concise and so well done.”

“Are you mocking me again Kangaroo Boy?” Téa asked with a smile.

“No,” I thought quickly for a come back to her little insult but it didn’t come so I continued. “I was asking you a simple question, I thought it required a simple answer, but apparently not.”

I could see the look on Téa’s face and could tell she was trying to think of another one of her classic comments but either it didn’t come along or she decided to not to prove just how crazy she really was.

“I apologize.” She said, although I don’t know if she really meant it because she would have spelt it wrong when she said it. “I thought my response was simple enough but I shall try and articulate better for you.”

“I would appreciate it muchly my dear.”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Yes, Mister?”

“Mister?”

“Does cocky want a cracker?”

“Oh dear!” I groaned and shook my head in amazement.

“Hey, you asked for it simple and I gave you a single word response, can’t get much more simple than that!”

“Just get me a chocolate and strawberry sundae with nuts.” I said wondering if I would ever be the same again, wondering if my brain would ever not be a slush pile of America inspired mush ever again.

“Eww, you want chocolate and strawberry mixed together over the top of ice cream? You Kangaroo jockeys are weirder than I thought!” Téa replied as she called the waitress over.

I was in the middle of explaining how great Chocberry really is and how if such a wonderful flavour wasn’t available in a America Téa didn’t know what she was missing out on when the waitress came over. What followed next was a conversation that lasted around about two minutes where Téa and the waitress, who up until that moment I actually thought was a nice lady, talked about how disgusting mixing two flavours like chocolate and strawberry together would be. They ridiculed my choice and told me how silly us Aussie’s must be although I have to say there was more ridicule from Téa’s mouth than the waitress, which I’m sure surprises no one, then when the ridicule died down I heard Téa say.

“Make it two chocolate and strawberry sundae’s please.”

The waitress smiled, wrote down the order on her order pad, then turned and walked away. I looked across the table and directly at Téa. She was looking at me and I swear she was going to ask me why I was looking so surprised but I think even Téa worked out she might be wearing her sundae when it arrived if she kept up her little game.

To be fair if the diner could make the sundae they way I preferred them there would be no throwing of food because it would be too good to waste. I’d have to order a straight unflavoured sundae if I wanted to make Téa’s face look like a snowman!

“What are you like at doing dishes?” Téa asked.

“Ok…um, what?”

“Oh I just thought I better ask the question.” Again her straight face had me thinking she was up to something but I had to play it a little safe in case she was serious.

“Why?”

“Well I don’t want to be doing them.”

I decided to stop things getting too silly and try and steer the conversation to an end point. “No, I can see why,” Téa looked at me blankly, “With your delicate hands you wouldn’t want to risk and injury that would stop you picking your nose!”

Okay maybe I changed my mind about the direction I was steering the conversation.

Téa laughed. “Not your best effort Kangaroo Boy but I tell you what, for trying you can be the one doing the dishes.”

I decided to let the conservation slip into silence and give Téa a chance to think of something else silly to say. After a few seconds I noticed the waitress coming out from the kitchen carrying two sundaes which I figured were ours. The silence remained until the sundaes were delivered by a polite waitress with a smile who told us she hoped we enjoyed our meal, she then disappeared back to the counter to serve another patron.

“Are you trying to tell me that you have run out of money and that if the police aren’t paying the tab we’ll be doing dishes to pay for these sundaes?” I said as I picked up my spoon and dipped it into the chocberry goodness.

“You catch on quickly sometimes!” Téa replied before stuffing a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.

Previous episode here.

2 Comments

  1. Kangaroo boy? You seriously think that’s how Americans talk? No, that is how you talk, Kangaroo boy! Giggle …. I just said that so you’d slap your forehead.

    I love how he responds to her, exactly the way I respond to you. I love choc and strawberry, and any other flavors you want to pile on. Yum!

    I adore this story, please don’t stop! : )

    • It wasn’t really a suggestion of how American’s talk, just one American who spends time with an Aussie and maybe allows herself to dip down to his level. More a behavioural trait of one person who deep down wants to become an honorary Aussie. Despite being in her own land the girl is slowly being converted into a real girl!! 😛

      You’ve got him right, he’s reacting in a way that he hopes is not mocking his American friend while at the same time metaphorically patting her on the head and saying “there there girl you’ll be ok!”

      Don’t stop? The American is insane, she will drive me insane if I keep it up!

      *shakes head and wanders off* American’s such weird people!

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