Tracey had finally told Danny her story, no lies about seeing another man, just a story outlining her path of depression and sadness since miscarrying for a third time. She also told of her path to seek help because Danny was not there for her and preferred his holidays with the boys rather than with her. How she thought that given that his continual efforts to pass mental illness off as a fad, and as an excuse not to do things, which had come from his idea that the team doctor only recommended psychiatrists to stop drivers from racing, he would not accept her having depression. She told him everything. Then when she had finished her story all Danny could come up with was to ask why Tracey had gone to Anne’s place.
Tracey accepted that she’d given Danny a lot to process, a lot to think about. She also accepted that some of what he had to think about went against his own thoughts and opinions of how people should react to certain situations.
Most of all she accepted breaking the news to Danny that she’d miscarried for a third time was going to be a huge shock. However the problem with it being a shock was that she couldn’t predict how he’d react. His first response would be to close it off from his mind, however given that after their second miscarriage he’d said more than once that he didn’t want to see her pregnant again it was the thoughts he kept to himself that she was most concerned with.
After several moments of silence Tracey tried to get Danny talking, the fact that he hadn’t moved seemed to indicate he wasn’t about to storm out but she also didn’t want to make the situation worse. Rather than immediately asking the question she wanted answered she chose a different path.
“Is there anything you’d like to say Danny?”
Danny was silent for a few seconds before he said anything, whether he was actually thinking about what to say or just building silence Tracey wasn’t sure, she’d stopped trying to read his facial expressions during her own speech. When he finally spoke it was something she didn’t expect.
“And you thought the best time to leave and avoid all this shit was while I wasn’t at home?”
Tracey didn’t even try and come up with an answer, firstly she knew any answer would be wrong, but she also knew that despite his thinking time the answer was purely deflective in it’s delivery. Spoken to deflect both parties away from the an area he didn’t want to talk about. Tracey didn’t expect Danny to ask questions about the pregnancy, but to ignore all that and focus on the part about his week away she didn’t see coming.
“I’m sorry Danny, what more can I say. Maybe I was wrong about not being able to share the miscarriage and my depression with you, but even you have to admit I had good reason to think that way. You were doing so well with your anger management and I wanted to think you could handle the news better than you did last time but I couldn’t risk it and I was hurting. That hurt didn’t disappear when you refused to take me away with you and being at home by myself just escalated those problems. I knew I had to get help, knew I had to get away from the situation. So maybe me leaving wasn’t done at the ideal time for you and maybe if you hadn’t gone I’d have stayed but for me it was that time was the right time.” Tracey took a deep breath after finishing what she had to say.
“So Anne was some how able to offer you help? A woman you met on the internet and barely know.”
“Yes we met on the internet, but it was years ago now and we don’t barely know each other.” Tracey said.
“Why not go to your sisters or your mothers? Why Anne?”
Again Tracey found herself wondering why he was focusing on Anne and going to live with Anne, she didn’t even remember telling him she’d been at Anne’s place. There had been a lot said in anger, or at very least a little bit of rage, since she’d gotten home, but she was sure she hadn’t mentioned Anne. It was at that time she decided to question him again and see where the cards fell.
“How did you know I was at Anne’s place, Danny?”
“You told me.” Danny said back without any emotion in his voice.
“No I didn’t.”
“Yes you did.”
Danny thought for a few seconds before answering. “In one of your spiels when you got home.”
Tracey still didn’t think she had but even if she did she could see a slight flinch in Danny’s eyes as he spoke, a tell she knew meant he wasn’t telling the entire truth so she decided to play it to her advantage. She knew she had to be careful and not enrage Danny but she still wanted answers.
“I never mentioned that I was staying at Anne’s place Danny, so how did you know I was there?”
“You did.” Danny’s response was half hearted, the truth was he couldn’t remember if she had actually said it because his mind was clouded with the fact that if she hadn’t actually said it he was arguing a point he could only prove by revealing his secret.
“Danny this is going nowhere, especially if while you keep it going around in circles.”
“Well you said it.” It was at that moment Danny remembered the reason he was able to track Tracey down before he hired the private eye, not only that revealing such fact would not have to reveal the PI or his secret. “Besides I got your mobile phone bill each month. I noticed you didn’t stop using that to ring others, just me!”
Danny’s comment was a slight exaggeration, Tracey hadn’t used her phone much while she was away because she thought Danny might be able to have it traced, however she didn’t even think about the bill having the mobile tower the calls were made through listed.
“Well if you knew where I was why didn’t you come looking for me?” Tracey asked.
Danny looked down at the table.
Previous Racing Story here.