I’m telling you now it’s not my fault
And these stories and lies have to halt.
My brother got screwed by those little porkers
Lied so much their panties cause scorchers.

It wasn’t piggies for me it was the girl in the hood
She can’t tell the truth it’s falsehood after falsehood
I know you’ve heard the story and she claims it was me
But the little girl is a bitch and she’s be-yond scary
Let me tell you what happened on that fateful day
And by the time I am through, it’s for me you will prey

I knew the coming day would not be full of splendour
Because I’d been out all night on a bit of a bender
Little did I know the sawn off little shit would attack
Such a violent offender she nearly broke my poor back

In a drunken haze I did think the house it was mine
I collapsed on the bed hoping to sleep until nine
Granny was out Red thinks she was blowing the piccolo
But I saw her at Hooters hitting on the gigolo

Red didn’t believe me and she went straight on the offensive
And the attack turned out to be something intensive.
She grabbed on my ears and gave them a good yanking
Honestly I’ve felt less pain from a good Hooters spanking

Next she tried an attack on me peepers
I’m sure the girl comes from a family of reapers
My poor blood shot eyes might have looked like a fig
But she prodded them cause she claimed they were big

Then she started picking on my proboscis
Laughing about it being so colossus
One tease after another no chance of her conking
She just wanted to give my nose a bloody good honking

Waking up hung over with my eyes so damn blurry
The teasing little hoodlum kept saying I was furry
Then I got grumpy and she started to wail
Thank god she didn’t realise I had a big tail

After she went and dobbed me in to her daddy
Suddenly it was my fault and I was the baddie
No one would listen to my side of the story
Next thing I knew I had become their quarry

So my advice to you, if you want a night on the town
Don’t go near the girl in the hood, she’s just a clown
She’ll bitch and she’ll moan and she use you as bait
Telling the world you’re nothing more than a reprobate