Lucky you didn’t make that bet with me, because I was right when I said that if I didn’t get any calls for a rescue the next person I would see driving through the gates of my humble abode would be Nick. I was however a little bit off on the time frame because it was only just a wee bit longer than twenty four hours since I had arrived home but sure enough Nick was the guy holding the steering wheel.
I was watching Netflix lazying back in the love chair of my home theatre when he arrived. Haha! As if! I’m sure you’ve probably worked out that I don’t have a home theatre, I’m not even sure I still have a TV, The last time I saw something that resembled a TV in my house it had a film of dust on it so thick that I’m fairly sure I couldn’t even tell if it was turned on.
As for Netflix that’s something we don’t hear about out here in the boonies. While we do know what the internet is out here lets just say it’s not a huge priority for the telcos to offer all twenty of us high speed internet to watch our movies on. I hear there is this new fangled thing in the big city that allows people to watch movies on mobile phones, honestly where will technology end? I’m only kidding obviously, but such a service does require a more reliable service than we have access too. We can watch some videos on our mobile phones but the streaming is very jerky, even Nick and the police station don’t have high speed internet access. He’s got a satellite system which doesn’t work too bad but for some reason watching the latest Mad Max movie is just not something the top brass think is important.
So as you can probably guess I wasn’t at home watching Netflix when Nick arrived. I was actually out in the yard, I was picking up some of the branches that had fallen off the surrounding trees in the past few weeks. I don’t have many trees in the yard but as I think I have told you our native gums are notorious for dropping limbs so every few weeks I need to do a bit of a clean up.
“Hey stranger, couldn’t stay away from me hey?” I said as he approached me, I was walking across the red dirt dragging a few branches behind me.
“Yeah I’m drawn to you like a magnet you know that!”
“Like flies to a nugget of kangaroo shit on the highway?”
“Now, now Dean, you’re aroma has nothing to do with this.”
“Is there reason for your visit today, or did you just come to insult me?” I asked.
“I’m happy to keep insulting you, but I think you’re doing a better job of it at the moment.”
“Then you need to up your game Mr. Policeman.” I said with a smirk before changing tact and putting on the niceties. “Tea? Coffee? Beer? Bonox? Boiled roo turds? Bearing in mind I only have two of those things and you have too guess which.”
Nick obviously knew me better than anyone else did because he didn’t laugh, didn’t even smile he just politely asked for the last one on the list and a Teddy Bear biscuit to go with it.
I smiled politely and continued my path towards the small pile of branches that I was adding too. Eventually the pile of branches and other rubbish would become a bonfire and be burnt down to nothing but a black and white circle of ashes but it wasn’t yet big enough for that. After disposing of the limbs Nick and I walked towards the house, then inside where I put the kettle on and started making coffee, I was fresh out of roo turds!
“So is there something I can do for you, or is this a social visit to check up on me?” I asked Nick.
“A bit of both, although I have got something to show you.” He replied.
“Oh yeah, what?” I was of course interested in both the company and something to see.
I poured the hot water over the instant coffee beans, no coffee machines or lite, soy, latte, short, long black, frappachinos with full cream milk for us, no, we like things standard around here, so standard neither of us even have milk. After replacing the kettle on it’s stand I took the two steaming mugs and placed them onto the table where Nick was already seated. I took up the chair next to him.
Not wasting any time Nick pulled his mobile phone out of his shirt pocket, it barely fit in there and I honestly don’t know how he kept it in there, I’d lose the bloody thing if it was me, but he managed it. Holding it in front of him he pressed the big button at the bottom and entered his locking code. After tapping the screen a few times and sliding left and right he placed the phone on the table.
“Nick, I’ve told you before, I’m not interested in seeing your Tinder profile. You are not going to attract girls, well not the good kind, to a small country town by uploading photos of you wearing nothing but a police badge and a buffalo skin lion cloth.”
“I attracted you here!” he said as he tapped the screen again.
“I came for the cake!”
“Hey, speaking of which, where’s the cake?”
“In the oven!”
“You’ve got a cake in the oven?” Nick said with fake excitement. “Who’s the lucky fella?”
“It’s bun, you fool!”
“Bun? That’s a stupid name for a bloke.”
“It’s a bun in the oven you idiot, not a cake!” I said as I lightly slapped my forehead.
“So you are pregnant? Wow, congratulations. I’m jealous, I always thought the two of us had a thing!”
At that moment I was wondering if the thing between us wasn’t a twenty metre brick wall. “Was there a real reason for your visit today Nick, or are you just here to annoy me?” I asked changing the subject.
“I can do two things are once!” Nick replied.
“And I can kick your chair out from under you and drop you without blinking an eye!”
“Yeah but you are too much of a nice person to cause bodily harm to anyone.”
“There is every chance I could make an exception for you Nick!”
Nick skidded his chair across the floor away from me as if he was getting out of my reach. I smiled at him and tapped him on the shoulder as if proving I could still reach him I wanted to make good on my threat. Of course I didn’t and he knew that but it was still a fun game that we played.
“So are you going to show me what it is you came here to show me?”
Nick hit the button on the phone again bringing it out of sleep mode, it was asking for his locking code. I watched him key in his code, (it wasn’t like I didn’t already know it), and as the lock screen disappeared I saw what was on the screen.
Previous Desert Rescue story here.