So where was I? I think I had just finished telling you how I came to be left in this asylum called HADES (look back if you need to translate the acronym) by my money loving family. The same family who are now able to live without the need to work thanks to some very generous insurance policies. Will the money every run out? Nope, not the majority of it because most of it is paid for by the multi-national company I used to be CEO for.
See because my wife was able to convince the doctors that it was my employers fault for my ‘loss of sanity’ their insurance companies are paying for everything. I’m not going to talk about weekly payment figures but considering when I was left here the average wage for a national CEO was more than $2M a year and I was CEO for a multi-national company you can see why my once wife was happy to accept a weekly pay cheque, which rises yearly regardless of where I am, and remain my wife on paper rather than divorce me and take a one off half payment from the estate. All she had to do was figure out how to get me put somewhere I had no power and she would get the money and I wouldn’t be in her life. To be fair she’s a smart women, I could never have thought of such an elaborate plan had the roles been reversed.
Oh here’s a good story for you, remember how I told you haven’t seen my own kids since the day I was dumped here? Well I still don’t know the complete reason for that but over the years I have been able to work out a few reasons for it. For a while, back when I thought I was going to get out of here, I actually thought it was because their mother didn’t want two young kids to see their father in a mental home but after a few months it dawned on me that there was another reason. My then wife didn’t want her kids to see her hitting on my own therapy doctor.
I still don’t know to this day if she was hitting on him because she was interested in him or just to get him onside when it came to certifying my insanity, but it worked. I don’t have any evidence as to whether it went further than a bit of sleaze but he definitely fell for it. The funny thing, yes I can laugh at it, is that after twelve months when that doctor left I was actually looking forward to being released. I had a new doctor, she was great and would listen to everything I had to say, then one day things just turned pear shaped and it was only that I saw my then wife disappearing into my new doctor’s office in an overcoat that I realised what was going on. Not only was she prepared to have me incarcerated for her own good, she was also happy to seduce a woman to do it.
I know this sounds a little hard to believe and I’ve no doubt that even if I had been convincing you up to this point that I wasn’t crazy, that I shouldn’t have been locked up in this hell hole, you’d be changing your mind. I don’t mind that, I’m not writing this journal to convince you, or anyone, of my sanity, I’m writing it because after more than a decade it suits me to write these things down. I guess one day if they are ever found and placed in the right hands there might be a few people who would be happy to see them disappear, but as I have no intention of that right now I guess those people are safe.
Safe. Safe. Oh that reminds me of Jackson, he’s still here with us, his padded cell is four down from mine and on the opposite side of the hallway. He was put here by the authorities, it was either this place or jail, to be honest I think he wanted the rest from the real world and agreeing to HADES was better than jail. What did he do?
The guy was once a cleaner, nothing more nothing less, but he thought he was oh so much more. He worked night shift in one of those big city high rises, as the majority of people left for the night he came in and cleaned floor by floor until morning. He saw very few people, talked to even less and most people actually thought he was a few sandwiches short of a picnic, not crazy just not all there. Little did they know!
Each morning when he went home instead of sleeping he fed himself a toxic mix of Red Bull and pills to keep himself awake and sat down at his computer. It started out with Call Of Duty 4 but he quickly found out that he wasn’t great at it, the frustration of being beaten was too much for him and he began to spend his days on forums where he quickly asserted himself as an expert at everything electronic. While he knew his CPU from his PSU he knew very little else, he’d cut and paste articles from knowledgeable IT websites in an attempt to convince people he knew what he was talking about, and if asked to explain something or had a technical question directed at him he’d avoid it deftly by logging off or changing the subject. Of course he was called out a few times but like everything on the internet those questioning gave up quickly.
Had he kept his deception to internet forums he’d have been ok but the guy couldn’t help himself and he got caught up in the hype of computer hacking. He couldn’t do it himself but his online persona was so much bigger than himself that when someone asked him if he could do it he just agreed. Before he knew it he was caught up with a bunch of real hackers who had a goal to hack into two of the major banks and remove as much money as they could. Having heard such things on TV before he spread the story that he was hidden behind 15 firewalls, had protection that even that Federal Police hadn’t heard of and couldn’t be found online by anyone. Of course the hacking group who knew exactly what they were doing knew that was garbage, they’d traced him via his IP address back to his home address in less than three minutes, but to them that was their get out of jail free card and they used it.
While the real hackers got away with the money Jackson sat aimless in a police cell desperate to get out, he’d been used and left for dead. He anxiously helped the police try and track down the money, track own the hackers crew but got nowhere and the only thing that kept him out of jail was a clever lawyer who managed to convince him to plead insanity, a case easily proven given the life he’d led up until he was caught. Still to this day, when the white ghosts aren’t around, he likes to tell us that he was undetectable online and the only reason he got caught was because he got an attack of the guilts and gave himself away but like I’ve said before, we aren’t all crazy.
Why did I start talking about Jackson? Doesn’t really matter how I got there does it, it was a great story and you have been well and truly entertained. I was going to tell you how it is that my insurance companies are happy to keep paying for my time here but I have run out of time. I guess you better come back tomorrow.
Previous Asylum stories here.