I’m sitting in the darkness, complete darkness, there is not a crack or sliver of light anywhere around me. I haven’t been sitting down for long, at least I don’t think I have been, to be honest I lost track of seconds, minutes and hours a long time ago.
When the light was first removed I was sure I could handle what was about to befall me. I was always a strong person, the sort of person that didn’t let things get in his way, it didn’t matter what it was I stood up and took it before anyone else could. That strong will and desire to win was going to get me through the darkness I was in.
Initially I stood dead still, not game to move because I had no idea what was with me in the darkness and I did not want to risk touching something that might cause me harm. My mind tried to tell me there was nothing with me but I just couldn’t trust it, it was the first time in years I had begun to doubt myself.
When darkness fell I was standing upright, I know that for a fact and at that time I thought when I touched the walls that surrounded me they were made from stone, cold, rough bluestone type blocks. But now I can not feel anything, what I think are walls do not really appear to be there, I’m not saying the walls have disappeared because they haven’t, I can still feel resistance of some sort when I put my hands out. But I feel nothing recognisable.
When I was standing against the wall I could feel the coolness of the stone touching my shoulder blades through the fabric of my top. When I eventually sat down the same coolness moved through my buttocks and legs, at first it was uncomfortable but I quickly stopped thinking about it. Now I can’t even feel the stone.
As I’ve said I have no idea of time but it was not very long into my darkness when my mind first started talking to me. It started out with words of support. “You are strong”, “You will get through this” and I believed it, I had to believe it. That same belief was also present when my mind started telling me the reason I was in the darkness was all my fault. Suddenly I’d gone from a mind full of support to a mind full of blame. It was my fault I was in the darkness, it was my fault I’d been locked away and no one was coming to help me and it was my fault that I couldn’t get out.
When I did sit down I rested my head against my knees and closed my eyes, if I was going to be in blackness at least let it be a blackness of my own making. If I concentrated hard enough I could hear sounds, they were faint but they were there. There was creaking, there was groans, there was even cracks, the kind of noises you often hear at night when the building you are in cools down from a hot day. If I concentrated even harder I could hear voices, at least I thought I could hear voices. I couldn’t understand what voices were saying but I was convinced they were the voices of my friends and family.
The darkness was eating me up and it was controlling me, it was telling me what to think and telling me I would never again see freedom. I was trapped so far inside my mind that it was worse than any other punishment that could be delivered to a person. I could feel sweat running from my neck down my torso, the more sweat that my body created the damper my top became and the faster my heart rate pounded.
I began to shiver, suddenly my sweat had gone from warm to ice cold, how it happened I could not tell but it did and my clothes almost instantly became clammy against my skin. The pounding of my heart was quickly transferred to my head it felt like my entire brain was pulsating inside my skull and that my skull was too small to contain it.
I wanted to scream for my freedom, I wanted to scream for help, I just wanted to scream but I knew no one could hear me.
Authors note: This may not be the best written and put together bunch of words (sorry but I’m watching TV) however I’m wondering if anyone out there knows what the character is going through.