I’m being forced to watch Married At First Sight!

Oh my god it’s happening every bloody night
I’m being forced to watch Married At First Sight
TV on, tied to the chair, eyes facing forward
I know what to do, I obey and follow as ordered

For those that don’t know what this show’s about
Two strangers first meet and get to freak out
For on their first date they become very harried
Cause some shrink decided they should be married

To be honest this show is a barrel of laughs
I’ve seen more intelligence in newborn calves
Some of these contestants are so damn stupid
I’m sure their heads must have been looted.

There’s a male stripper who wants small ear lobes
He’s got the charisma of a pair of brogues
His comedian wife about as funny as pantihose
But they do both share the ski jump type nose

Then there’s the woman who thinks it’s a competition
It’s like the silly girl was not present at the audition
She been assigned her stray bloke from the main pack
But she’s thinks every woman will knife her in the back

There’s also Amazon girl who is freakishly tall
Her old man thinks he’s the life of every ball
The main thing she wanted was a cute man with height
What she got for her troubles was a wee man so slight.

Oh and one should not forget the in-laws and friends
Talk about riff raff they are the worst odd and ends
From the paranoid mother-in-law to the crazy ex
Some parents out there that should’ve never had sex

The producers have really pulled out all stops
Their only problem so far, the characters are flops
But they’ll cut it together and think they all deserve passes
When all they have done is make the contestants all arses

So here I have to sit lashed and roped to the chair
Because my wife’s TV viewing I do wish to share.
We laugh and we mock at every single pairing
Because I’m tied to the chair I spend my time staring

It’s not that bad sitting in front of the TV together
Everything said on the screen we just think is blether
I enjoy her laughter and I laugh at her put downs
We both agree that the show is full of clowns.

But every time I see one thing I can’t help but tear up
And no it’s got nothing to do with when they do a closeup
It’s when I see the brides in their white dresses of style
Because it reminds me of the day my wife walked down the aisle