Daily Prompt, poetry, Stories

A sex poem.

bad poetry

The time has come, a sex poem I shall write
Hang on just a second while I get the vegemite*
We’ll spread it on like body chocolate, with a knife
Because we all know vegemite is the elixir of life.

When it comes to this we definitely aint no noobies
So for starters I’ll spread it on your boobies
Right of left first it doesn’t really matter
Because the first coat will be a slather

I’ll spread a thick layer up to your neck
This is much more fun than the discotheque
I’ll trace a sticky brown trail to your ears
Don’t worry our bank account wont go in arrears

I’ll put a nice big blob of goop upon your nose
By the time I get that high you wont oppose
I’ll smear a lovely smooth layer on your lips
You know from there I’m headed to your hips

Bet you’ve never had vegemite on your waist
How about the day that we used toothpaste
You did give me quite the appraisal
When it got stuck right in your navel

Forget about toothpaste its now about vegemite
If we do this quick I promise you wont get frostbite
I’ll continue by painting it down your right thigh
No need to worry about me I wont misapply

It wont be long until I reach your right knee cap
I promise you there definitely wont be any mishap
Because from the knee I’m heading to your shin
It wont be long until you are in a real tailspin

Vegemite painted ankles and we’ll be keeping it real
Don’t try walking, you’ll slip with this on your heel
In my excited haste, I forgot to cover your elbows
I’ll be able to do it soon, once I reach your tootsie toes.

I’ll repeat the same action up your left leg
Trust me this stuff taste a lot better than nutmeg
Tomorrow I think we should try tomato paste
Today I’m not stopping until your left waist

Your naked body is now covered in a thick spread
A yeast extract, brown and eaten on white bread
When we open the curtains you’ll be bathed in moonbeams
Lay still, close your eyes and we’ll fulfil your erotic dreams

So now you’ve finished reading this
I know you’re in a state of bliss
You feel like you’ve run a marathon
And now I know you’re just turned on.

* Vegemite: For anyone who has to ask what this stuff is click here.


  1. Vegemite? Wow! I don’t even like peanut butter… so I replaced the vegemite with hot honey. Very well written! I liked it. It also works for both genders. In a publication last year, I wrote a ‘female perspective’ poem and forgot to point out that it was a female narrator… I liked your post today! Well done!

  2. Sent comments by return email. Others show up on their comment section but never yours. (Twilight zone music)

    • Well until someone actually tells me an error message I can’t fix it. But I have trouble with other peoples sites too and WP wont fix them so that leads me to believe the problem is with WP and the way their system communicates it’s likes and comments. Just like the fact that I didn’t appear in some readers last night. Got nothing to do with errors at this end and I can prove that but WP claim it’s not their issue.

  3. Sorry I’m late responding, your poem didn’t pop into my queue. It would be just wrong for me to miss a sex poem by you…
    I also had to Google search … just in case….
    Hhhmmm… interesting……. : )

    • Yeah these regular errors with not popping into the reader are annoying, I know of 5 different sites that have had the issue this week. Seems email alerts are the only ones that work all the time.

      The sex poem was actually written as a joke, I have old ladies who read my blog I don’t want to offend them with sex scenes 🙂 I was tired and couldn’t think of anything else to write. I didn’t really expect people to take it seriously 🙂 But hey I’ve got some vegemite in the cupboard 🙂

  4. It was Marmite when I was in England

    • I thought there was marmite in the States too because I thought whenever American’s tried the real thing they said Marmite was better.

      I know it’s available overseas now and we export heaps of it but most people still seem to hate it.

      Youtube has people eating tubs of it with a spoon and trying to beat each other. Even the majority of us aussies aren’t that silly.

  5. I will never look at Vegemite toast the same way, ever again.

  6. Think I’d prefer whipped cream from a can.

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