“Aye Captain! There be a ship off out starboard bow.” Called Scurvy Pete from the crows nest.
We all looked to the right of the ship and we could all see it, a ship like we hadn’t seen before. Of course Pete should have seen it long before now from his position but we were all a little on edge and confused since ‘the event’.
Let me explain. We’d sailed around a reef and come across some Caribbean shore, we were on an epic quest to rape, pillage and take what was not ours in some foreign land, it’s ok we’re pirates and that’s what we do. Upon the shores of this deserted island there was no treasure only this strange little device with a big red button.
Well it’s hardly surprising that we hit that button, what else where we to do? On the horizon we saw a brilliant bright light, it was calm seas and nearly a dead ocean, so of course we made our way to the light. Dammed if it wasn’t a mystical portal, sounds unbelievable doesn’t it? We’ll you are reading a story about pirates so shut up!
It was two days ago when we sailed through that portal and for the entire time we were sailing we saw nothing else on the water. The seas were calm, the weather was balmy and the water was flourishing with all manner of yummy sea life.
It was upon the rising sun of the third day that Pete called out from the crows nest and it was then we realised we had found ourselves in a land where Viking ruled both land and sea. Now we didn’t know much about Vikings but we knew they held treasures oh so mighty that we just had to kill them and steal whatever they had.
Swords, fire and big ugly men with a face fungus rarely maintained were no match for cannon fire and we took no prisoners. The Vikings prayed for mercy but we had none left, didn’t I just tell you we were pirates? So with no mercy left we slashed throats and took their treasures leaving dead Vikings floating on a dead sea.
As we sailed on the calm waters with barely another sound in the air I could hear the proud pirate crew sings at the top of their lungs.
You put your faith in Odin and Thor!
We put ours in cannons and whores!
Your viking gods won’t save you now,
When the pirates strike from the starboard bow!
Back through time, to fight the viking foe!
Back through time, where our voyage must now go!
Six hundred years into the the past,
Our destiny is here at last!
For infamy and plunder we will ride!
Sorry my hearts not really in it again today so the above pirate song is not mine, full credit goes to Alestorm. I couldn’t improve on it if I tried!