Note: The below is unedited and unread, it’s just a brain fart post because I need to get back to writing my novel.
Anticipation is a funny thing, well all have it at some stage in our life but how often is that anticipation lived up to and how often is it fucked over by the stupid reality that someone else thinks they control?
An-tici-pation brings up images of Dr. Frank-N-Furter in the Rocky Horror Picture show. It’s a movie I watched heaps as a kid, loved as a kid, even sung all the songs. But as an adult it was assumed because it didn’t fit into a incorrect pre-judged persona of me I didn’t like so it rarely got spoken about. Unless others were in company at which time it was snide remarks about my taste not being sophisticated enough to understand it. Hardly surprising given the same comments get thrown about Dr Who and other such shows, after a while it’s just easier to go with the flow, agree with the comments and make those around you feel better that they had their say.
There is the anticipation of waking up every morning and wondering if the dawning day is going to be any better than the day before. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t but lets face it life is what you make of it not how badly someone wants to fuck you over because it’s easier than facing you.
As weird as it sounds on the country roads at night there is the anticipation on what is around the next blind corner, is it nothing, is it an animal, is it a torrent of water across the road, it is a tree. Even after driving the same road a thousand times and hitting nothing there is times where for many different reasons you anticipate any or all of those things. The worst problem is when they come true and having hit all the above on multiple occasions the mind does eventually start wondering if it’s anticipation or fear as you approach the corner. One thing for certain for several days after hitting any one of them it’s definitely fear. One of the scariest moments of my life was coming around a blind corner one morning and hitting a river of water across the road. Pitch black, no moon, trees either side of the road and flood waters making their own path. When you aquaplane 20 tonnes at 100kph it’s not anticipation you smell.
There is the anticipation that those around you understand what you’re going through rather than simply ignoring you. But of course even crazy people realise that just isn’t possible all the time, it’s not always the fault of others, often they too have issues they refuse to share. The anticipation to talk, to share, to open up, never leaves some people. While others it never seems to reach, even when it does they don’t realise how the walls they built themselves are stopping others from entering. By the time the walls are cracked they are too caught up thinking no one cares to realise people do.
Another anticipation that we so often have is that the change we made yesterday doesn’t effect us tomorrow. We are all guilty of thinking about ourselves, and in many cases that’s not a bad thing, looking out for number 1 is important however so is looking out for number 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 etc. But too often we forget the ripple effect that our changes have on the rest on the world and we are left wondering why those we thought were only affected by the outer ripple have suddenly turned so savagely. More often than not it’s not a savage turn, it’s a miscalculation of our own doing because we refused to look at the bigger picture. Then again maybe that’s the reason some people only make little steps, they know the big step is going to effect them more than they are ready to admit.
But there is of course good anticipation. The anticipation of not have to go back to school, the anticipation of your first gig to a paying audience, the anticipation of seeing that one band/performer for the first time, the anticipation of marriage, the anticipation of a life shared with someone you love, the anticipation of your child’s arrival, the anticipation of life with children and the anticipation of death when you realise all that has happened.
Ok that ended on a bit of a downer but lets face with so much anticipation that does end shitty it’s not surprising some people choose to live without it in their life. Maybe if you know someone that is running out of anticipation you could try talking to them.