Pulling into the driveway, careful to make sure I park entirely on the left hand side and well clear of the garage door I feel my stomach drop. I’m not overly happy to be home but I know parking in the wrong spot will only give mum something else to bitch about. When I say ‘something else’ believe me I mean it, it’s a never ending thrill around here, day in day out the same fucking drill. Do this. Do that. Why did you do this? Why did you do that? Don’t you know Betty’s son is not like you!
Arguing is pointless, she’s always bloody right and as I make my way up the back steps I can just feel another war brewing, another storm rising. I have no idea what it will be about this time. It could be because I didn’t come home last night, it could be because I haven’t mowed the grass and it could be because I like sugar in my coffee. Whatever it’s about it barely matters any more because I just know it will happen.
Sliding my key in the door lock there is some resistance but it slips in and I think nothing of it. That is until I attempt to turn the key and nothing happens. Why is my key not opening the lock? I look closely at door. Wasn’t that lock silver yesterday? Today it’s gold. Has it really happened? Has mum changed the locks?
If I’m not really wanted here I know my options are few because I’ve already been banned from my friends house, my bloody girlfriend’s too. Mum just doesn’t understand that her opinions and her self righteous attitudes are not wanted everywhere. But what shits me more than anything is that I’m banned because of her.
I really have to wonder just what the hell I’ve done this time to make mum change the locks.
Still I guess it could be worse, at least now I have my freedom. I have no clothes, no bed, no room and nowhere else to live but I do have my freedom. I wonder what I can do with it. I suppose I could head to a motel, but I have no money, no job and no one else cares about me.
I need time to think about my situation, think about my life, maybe I’ll just do it here on mum’s back step.
Oh my god, mum changed the locks.
Before all the mothers in the world reign eternal damnation and pain down on my poor soul the above is nothing more than bunch of words based on the lyrics of a song. The song is called Mum Changed the Locks and is by and Aussie band called Frenzal Rhomb. It was only meant to be a bit of a twisted time killer until some better words came along. My mum never changed the locks.