Who wants a facade?
Thirteen years ago I didn’t care what a Facade was, although I’m sure some people would have said I had one which only disappeared on the day I met the women who would end up being my wife.
But alas that’s not the kind of facade I want to focus on, the facade I want to focus on is as the dictionary describes ‘the principal front of a building, that faces on to a street.’
The facade on the front of our house is hard not to focus on because after thirteen years it’s in such a state that even driving past it’s hard for ones eyes not to be attracted to it.
Thirteen years is probably not a bad time span for chunks of painted foam stuck to a brick wall to start looking a bit ragged and if that was the case I probably wouldn’t care but our facade has been falling off for ten out of the house’s thirteen years.
Just like all the other problems we suffered in this house, things like baths not installed properly, fridge recesses being made too small, internal roofs falling in and walls cracking apparently the facade falling off is not something the builder believed was his job to repair, even under warranty.
Because a facade is not structural apparently it doesn’t (or didn’t) come under any of our building codes. What that meant for the builder was that using glue to hold foam to concrete was acceptable. Making a concrete render that was never finished properly was acceptable and the use of unsealed timber on a facade that spent all it’s time exposed to the elements was also acceptable.
So why haven’t I fixed it myself in ten years? Well I have fixed some areas. I have completely remodelled the front of the portico and added a facade of my own creations with material that is actually weather proof. I have removed some of the foam that either curled up and shrunk or just fell off and I’ve chipped away some of the broken concrete render but things still look a bit out of place to someone who knows what was there.
However the biggest screw up is the facade around the four front windows. They’ve been coming unglued for ten years. The foam has shrunk in parts, the concrete render has shifted and the sills all hold water. So why haven’t I done something about it? Trust me we’ve looked into it and to replace four large chunks of black foam prettiness around each window I will need to remove the facade, remove the render and then remove each window because the way they have been constructed has left the windows and the facade as a complete unit, where the glue hasn’t failed.
So maybe this story really is about two different facades, the one stupidly put on the front of this house and the one the rotten prick who built this house wore as he posed as a builder.
The only real saving grace was that two years after Mr Facade built this house through my complaints and others in a similar position he not only lost his Master Builders Accreditation but he also lost his contract with the National building company he was working under