Some have a craving for chocolate, some have a craving for ice cream, some even have a craving for sex, but I crave none of those meaningless things. What I crave is blood and pain, preferably not my own but sometimes beggars can’t be choosers.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not a vampire or demon of some sort that needs blood to survive. I’m not even a devil worshipper or misguided Satanist that thinks he’s doing the devils work. I’m just your every day run of the mill sadist. Of course I do like the taste and texture of the meaty flesh of my fellow human and their blood is really the nectar of the gods but I don’t do it because some ugly dude with horns and a pitch fork told me to do it, I do I because I like to.
Most people who use their last breaths to ask me about my hobby usually don’t waste time getting to the question, “What does it taste like?” to which I usually reply, it tastes like crocodile, which we all know tastes like chicken, only better. In truth it’s just like any meat you have to pick the right one to get the right flavour. Obese people as you can imagine are too fatty and human fat doesn’t cook like beef or pork fat does. Fitness freaks are the opposite end of the scale, their meat is too tight, too stiff and even a good fourteen hours in the smoker doesn’t improve that taste. I save their meat for dinner parties where the guest of honour usually doesn’t go home and the dogs eat well. I prefer my humans run of the mill, not too fat and not too skinny, but there has to be a bit of meat on the bone. If you get a good one it hardly even matters which cooking method you prefer because good quality meat always cooks well with any method.
Marinades work with some cuts, especially the thighs and shins, but the one thing to remember with any marinade is that you can’t discard the blood that spills, it’s the most important ingredient. Just like many chef’s encourage cooks to baste in the meat’s own juices I too encourage using the human body’s own juices for that extra bit of flavour.
But alas I have gotten off the original topic and while I’m sure you’d be fascinated by some of my wonderful recipes I also know you actually came to read about my craving, which as I stated was blood and pain.
I used to have to hunt to sate my craving but like anyone who spends their life doing a job they love I have fine tuned my work thanks to age and experience. Where I once walked the quiet street at night looking for any victim and then tried to drag them back to my house without being seen or heard these days I have them come to me. It’s amazing just how many stupid people there are out there who will accept an invitation to someone’s house even when they don’t know that person.
Sure I occasionally send out the bait and it gets ignored but thanks to a bit of homework with each
victim guest the snag rate is over 95%. I wont offer up the exact process because I don’t want insane copy cats, or worse still idiots who follow my ways and claim I’m some kind of inspiration but the general idea is as follows.
1.Research the guest-to-be and find out if they fit into the criteria, a criteria that includes, but is not limited to, how likely they are to take the bait without telling others, how easy they will be to take down and how they will taste, among other things.
2.Snail mail them a letter on non traceable paper, always using gloves to prepare the letter. Each letter is personalised and hopefully contains the right hooks to get the person to bite and take the bait. The letter always tells the person to say nothing to anyone or copy the letter. (Strangely enough I’ve only had two people in ten years who have tried something silly like reserving a copy at their house. Which given I take their keys and check their house after they stop breathing is a pointless task, in case anyone is wondering).
3.Wait for guest to arrive at the address given, with the letter to prove they are the correct recipient. The address obviously isn’t my home address and I’m not going to tell you how I select the address or get the person back to my place, all I will say is that I am never rushed and can often check their house on the way home.
It sounds easy, and with time I have made the task easier but in reality there is few people in this world who could manage the task without leaving some traces behind.
Once I have the person at home I am free to take my time with them. There has been the occasional accident where my guest has woken up before or during the procedure due to the effects of the sedative wearing off. While seeing the pain and shock on a persons face helps me sleep at night thankfully those enjoyable times have been few.
For those people who have seen the TV series Dexter (you should read the books because they are so much better), you’ll remember he uses a table to cut up his victims and a room covered in plastic to hide his tracks. Well without bragging it’s the same idea I’ve been using long before he was around and making serial killing popular.
As stated earlier I collect the blood from each person. I have an easy to assemble, goes together like a Meccano set of piping that collects every drop from beneath the sliced body and holds it in a sealable drum which I can then put in the fridge or freezer. Each container has it’s own identifying mark which only I know and understand because a mistake I made in the early days was combining blood and flesh from difference sources and it ruins a good meal.
I have many microwave containers and boxes which stack neatly in fridge and freezer and thanks to the way I preserve the meat only forensic testing would lead to a positive identification. To the naked eye they look like a bunch of precooked meals ready for eating. Thanks to a large furnace like structure, again any more information may lead to someone discovering my identity, the bones and other waste material are easily disposed of at the right time.
I do prefer to slice into a live body but as they are tied down at the time awake or asleep really makes no difference. The theory that some silly Hollywood movies have used about a thrashing body makes the meat tough is just bullshit contrived by horror writers who really don’t know what they are talking about, good meat comes from good selection and good preparation.
Again I do need to keep some secrets of my job and I don’t plan on telling you how I slice and dice a body for optimum taste but suffice to say next time you go under the knife at the hands of a surgeon there is a reason they cut where they do. Any more information than that and I not only risk giving away secrets of the trade but also the profession I choose before I became what I am.
If you do a search on the internet for “How to cook human flesh,” (go on I dare you, in these days of meta data retention surfing the net is not as fun as it used to be), you will get many results but most of them are like Hollywood movies, made up. I’m always open to new meal ideas so such searches, incognito of course, are a semi regular task for me but I’m sad to say most of the recipes are just garbage. Some are made up of other meat recipes and others are dreamt up by someone who thinks they have a blood lust. I prefer the tried and tested method but they are so few and far between.
Like with most animals the human livers, kidneys and brains are an acquired taste but they have to be prepared right and honey and soy sauce are some of the best ingredients to help make that taste right. The rest of the human body is really just like any other meat, cook it low, cook it slow, turn it over regularly and flavour it generously. The only time that rule really needs to be changed is when you are doing a stir fry and the art is in cooking it fast and cooking it hot.
Because I often eat alone I don’t mind crumbing small chunks of biceps, forearms or breast and making a dipping sauce with the main ingredients being chilli sauce, garlic and blood. It’s a rich and tasty mixture that McDonald’s and Hungry Jacks really should introduce.
So you like BBQ ribs? You think all those shows on tv claiming that ribs are a southern American delicacy and only the Yanks know how to make them? Well here is an open invite to my place for dinner tomorrow. The smoker is already warming up, ribs are already marinading in the herbs, the spices, the sauces and the bourbon and I guarantee you that you’ve never had ribs until you’ve had human ribs.