How deep are you?
When I was a teenager I was about as deep as a a milk bottle lid full of water. I didn’t care about much, I was happy to be left alone and I didn’t even know there was more to me than face value.
When I was in my early twenties, working for a living and interacting with people on a daily basis I suddenly realised every person needed some depth even if they didn’t want to show it to many people.
But it wasn’t until I was in my late twenties when I met the girl I am now married to that I realised there was a depth to me that I had never let any one see, a depth I was happy for only her to see. I suddenly became less about myself and more about US. I spent less time considering just my thoughts and feelings and began considering OUR thoughts and feelings. Most of all I started to realise that as one, I was shallow and almost careless but as a part of a pair I became deeper because I had someone else to care about, someone to love and someone to be together with.
For a number of years I thought there was a limit to my depth but boy was I in for a surprise on the day our first daughter arrived. In a few short years I’d gone from a shallow and empty person with little care for others to a deep and joyous person with a level of love he didn’t think possible. Then without even seeing it coming I turned into a blubbering wreck who couldn’t even think about the two girls in his life without having a tear come to his eyes.
The day I announced the arrival of our first daughter to our parents (while my wife was still in hospital recovering) there was no cigars and whiskey like in the movies I spent the first two hours with tears of joy in my eyes and I spoke through a staggering voice. I’d been awake more than twenty four hours however the vision of my wife and child asleep in the hospital bed as I left to tell the news to family was more than enough adrenalin to keep me going, but definitely not enough to curb the water works.
For the next four years the joy every time I saw my two girls, or they did something funny, something cute, or even something just a little crazy was always there. Some times the tears of joy were there as well but the fact that they weren’t changed nothing, the care, the love and the emotional depth because of them controlled me and everything I did.
The tears of joy may not have been there everyday but there was definitely no stopping them on the day our second daughter was born. Equally as cute, equally as entertaining and equally as much a part of my life as her mother and sister baby number two threw me even deeper into a roller coaster of emotions that a younger me didn’t even know existed let along figured he’s one day feel.
Still to this day the tears occasionally arrive when I think of any or all of my girls. They still control just about everything I do and think and they are rarely out of my thoughts. It’s a depth I never thought possible and would have laughed at anyone who said I’d one day find.